


What Happens in Helmand

by Candipeach26



Series: In The Mood [5]
Category: Bodyguard (TV 2018)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Infidelity, Military, Sexual Tension, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-16
Updated: 2019-08-21
Packaged: 2020-06-29 07:50:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 33,839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19825720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Candipeach26/pseuds/Candipeach26
Summary: Lieutenant Budd angled his head up towards the mirror suddenly, the tint of his glasses giving nothing away.And yet Julia knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that he was watching her.-------Julia visits Helmand Province as an MP in 2013, and is placed under the security protection of an intimidating yet captivating young lieutenant during her stay.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Y'all. I've had this one in mind for awhile, and in writing a bit of it last week, it had to tumble out. Just a quick disclaimer: I mean no disrespect meant to anyone who's served in the Middle East by setting this story there. The conflict I expand upon in the story is gleaned from the account given by David in the show, not from any real accounts or experiences. Please forgive any errors or inconsistencies, and if I do offend anyone, please reach out and I'll do my best to make it right.
> 
> Part of In The Mood, so there's plenty of smut in store. Big thanks to Allison and Meral for their feedback with parts of this. Thanks for coming along for the ride. :)  
> -Candi

* * *

_14 Oct 2013 14:00  
_

_His eyes were the frostiest shade of blue she’d ever seen._

_Cold, calculating. Intense._

_Assessing her from head to toe. Judging her harshly from the start, if the minute narrowing of his lids were anything to go by._

_A handsome, deceptively young face. Smooth-shaven and severe, all angles and planes. Sharp nose and a strong jaw that looked as if it hadn’t unclenched in years. His mouth was equal parts stern and oddly sensual, pressed into a thin line as he shook their hands with a firm grasp and listened to formal introductions from his commander._

_“Lieutenant David Budd will handle your chief security detail on this trip. All requests for escort on or off-base go directly through him. No exceptions.”_

_Julia nodded her assent, as did Roger._

_The lieutenant broke his staredown as he saluted his superior briefly, only to resume it again as the elder general strode away from the helicopter platform._

_“Follow me.”_

_His tone held little inflection and left absolutely no room for argument as he donned a pair of dark tactical glasses, turning on his heel and walking briskly in the opposite direction. His command of four soldiers were similarly garbed head-to-toe in tan, dusty camouflage and dark glasses, flanking their small entourage with brandished rifles that were almost a full meter in length._

_“Hardly one for manners, is he?”_

_Roger scoffed quietly, throwing a sour glare at the young lieutenant’s back. Julia said nothing, unsurprised in the least at the quick barb. There’d be many, many more before their time here was finished. Her husband’s numerous insecurities were such that the minute there was another clear alpha in his presence, the nasty churlishness he possessed in spades made itself known immediately._

_They crossed a sandy, badly demarcated path over to a fleet of armored vehicles awaiting their arrival, entering the third vehicle with assistance from the command officers while Lieutenant Budd climbed into the front passenger seat, issuing frank directions to his team in a deep, throaty Scottish accent. The vehicles set off across barren, sandy vistas to their base camp in Helmand, the air con circulating throughout the cabin doing little to combat the sweltering heat. Julia shifted uncomfortably in her linen suit, noticing that the small rearview mirror directly in front of the lieutenant was angled towards the backseat. From here she could see the grim set of his mouth, head on a swivel as he swept the perimeter of the road for any potential dangers._

_Lieutenant Budd angled his head up towards the reflection suddenly, the tint of his glasses giving nothing away._

_And yet Julia knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that he was watching her._

* * *

_15 Oct 2013 08:00  
_

_Their initial reasons for taking the trip to Helmand province were well underway._

_The modified barracks she and Roger had been assigned to were surprisingly spacious and efficient despite their location and crude nature; more like a budget motel room with no-frills furniture, two desks placed side by side in their room per request. Julia had spent the earliest part of her morning in congress with her team of assistants, fielding questions and gathering information from her constituency while filing her first of many reports from the ground in Afghanistan. If she were to gain support for the bill she and Roger were launching in less than a month, their assessment of the situation here had to be made in real-time; as visceral, real, and uncompromising as possible._

_They worked in blessedly silent tandem for the better part of two hours before a female soldier knocked on their door, signaling that it was time for them to be escorted to breakfast. Julia readied herself, fully preparing to be greeted by the stony façade of the young, handsome lieutenant that had unfortunately lingered with her throughout the evening and well into the night._

_It was irritating, really.  
_

_To find her thoughts constantly nudging in his direction, obviously bothered by the presence of that particular man to the extent that their initial encounter had been replaying in her mind with surprising frequency. She found herself wanting to know what lay behind his specific brand of vitriolic scrutiny. Wanting to know his story; how long he’d been here. What he’d seen, what he knew._

_And why, out of everyone here who’d mostly regarded she and Roger with bland faces and stoic courtesy since their arrival, he made it a **point** to regard them both (and her, especially) with such open, naked contempt._

_Instead, two of the soldiers who’d been part of their small escort crew yesterday waited patiently across the hall from their room as they emerged, guiding them down the gray corridors and through double doors into the violently bright sunshine and heat of the desert morning. The base was already well into the midst of their early training regimens, formations of men and women lined up and performing drills under the watchful eyes of their commanders. Various structures were erected in the space between their building and the mess hall; a high wall with attached ropes, netting hitched close to the ground, standing punching bags that had clearly seen their fair share of abuse over time._

_Julia scuttled by, vaguely taking it all in as she walked past, much more intent on taking in a quick breakfast and heading back to work than admiring the scenery._

_Until a strident, deep Scottish voice nearly stopped her in her tracks. It was coming from the direction in which they were walking, she was sure of it._

_And soon enough, she saw him._

_Lieutenant Budd._

_Naked to the waist. Sweat glistening on his muscular torso, dripping down biceps that bulged obscenely as he hung from a tall pull-up bar with his ankles crossed beneath him. A full head of closely-cropped black curls shone with dampness in the desert heat, a few tendrils clinging to a forehead soaked with perspiration. A tattoo adorned one broad shoulder that only served to add to his mystique, made him appear even tougher, even more dangerous. His abdomen was lined with plenty more lean muscle, the soft dark hair abundant upon his chest narrowing as it approached the low-slung waistline of his camouflage pants before coyly disappearing beneath._

_He was hoisting himself up again and again, strength and power radiating from every line and contour of his rippling frame as he yelled out command after command to his platoon, most of whom were tiring in their efforts to match him pull for pull._

_Pushing them further. Harder. Faster._

_“More! Don’t you fucking give up!” he screamed, those frightening blue eyes daring them to fail on his watch, never once breaking form as his grip tightened on the bar and he intensified his reps._

_Julia couldn’t look away._

_And because she couldn’t, he caught her eye as she walked past. Going silent for one long, unnerving moment. Never letting go of the bar, still maintaining his constant motion as those frosty eyes met hers and held._

_She felt a distinct chill run down her spine, but she never once wavered. Raised her chin, put a little ice in her own gaze. A corner of his mouth twitched, the impressive line of his jaw clenching in response to her loaded scrutiny. The lieutenant summarily dismissed her then, breaking their connection, turning his head and resuming his passionate, cuss-laden implorations to his platoon._

_Roger chose that precise time to whisper some boring inanity into her ear, some sneering comment that Julia chose to ignore completely, her mind still on the lieutenant and their fresh, silent exchange._

_An exchange that, to her, was beginning to feel like a challenge._

_And she always rose to the occasion for a challenge._

_Without exception._

* * *

_13:30_

_She got her chance._

_He was back on their detail early that afternoon, as silent and forbidding as ever. Watching in the background as she and Roger made a joint conference to the media outlets who were covering their visit to the province. Julia hit every note she was slated to hit, properly modulated her voice at appropriate intervals, expressed precise amounts of empathy and determination as she spoke at length about Britain’s long-standing involvement in the conflict._

_Roger, too, did his usual solid job, though everyone present could tell he wasn’t nearly as compelling a figure. And indeed, most of the questions that ensued after their statements went to her exclusively, and she handled them all with her usual mix of grace and intelligence despite the growing disgruntlement of her husband as the spotlight became increasingly trained on her._

_He did his usual chaste kiss on her forehead after the cameras turned away, pulling her close for a terse word._

_“Perhaps allowing me a word in edgewise next time would be prudent, Julia?”_

_She could honestly care less._

_Particularly when the object of her attentions, her_ _real_ _challenge, resided quietly in the background of their conversation._

_Standing, staring, waiting. Steadfastly giving nothing away._

* * *

_“Lieutenant, a word.”_

_He stopped, signaling the rest of the entourage to escort Roger to the waiting vehicles. Turned to her. Waited._

_“Could you remove your glasses? It makes it very tough to communicate when you’re shrouded in such a manner.”_

_Her simple, careful request was greeted with complete silence, utter inaction. His disdain was an unspoken, palpable force residing in the heated air between them._

_Julia sighed. “Fine. I have a request.”_

_The lieutenant waited in flinty, unwavering silence._

_“I’d like to interview you for a few nights during our visit to get a first-hand account of your time in Helmand. According to your file, this is your ninth year in the British Armed Forces, your third tour in Afghanistan. You’ve led several platoons into live battle successfully. I respect your service, and would appreciate the chance to gain a greater sense of your perspective here on the ground.”_

_“You…respect my service.” The hard, brittle disbelief in his voice threw her entirely._

_“Yes. Of course I do.”_

_“And you want my perspective.”_

_“That’s what was said, Lieutenant Budd. In plain English,” Julia snapped, his insolence taking the polish off of her polite veneer._

_He pressed his lips back into that grim, flat line, looking away from her momentarily. Appearing to weigh his options. She waited impatiently, suddenly fed up with this pompous asshole and his rude, unwarranted treatment. Hardly understanding why she was pressing the issue herself at this point, except to say that a part of her was taken with him in the strangest, most intriguing way._

_Was the challenge he obviously posed really worth this much trouble?_

_She had absolutely no idea. But she intended to find out._

_“Fine,” he said shortly, appearing to come to a decision. Shielded eyes returned to her. “20:00 hours. I’ll grant you twenty minutes. Be ready for escort by 19:45.”_

_With that, the lieutenant turned on his heel and strode away. And yet again, Julia had no choice but to follow._

* * *

_20:15_

_This was clearly a mistake._

_One that she had no intention of backing out of. But a mistake nonetheless._

_Julia was ready by 7:45 per the lieutenant’s instructions. Had been promptly escorted to a row of trailers at the far end of the base, many of them in sad disrepair. The private led her to the nicest one on the row, second to last, and knocked twice._

_Lieutenant Budd had answered the door, cool air rushing from the interior of his trailer as he nodded a brief thank-you to the escort and waved her inside. It was clear he’d just showered, his hair still wet and the thin white undershirt he wore adhering closely to his toned upper body. The sharp, fresh scent of his aftershave lingered lightly in the small cabin, teasing Julia’s senses as he shut the door behind her and gestured for her to sit on a small, worn brown couch taking up the left side of the living space._

_“Ma’am.”_

_The single word was hard, bitterly spoken as he sat across from her on a low stool, no sunglasses shielding her from the hot anger she saw in those impossibly fierce eyes. And it had only gone further south from that point on._

_“May I call you David?”_

_“You may call me Lieutenant Budd.”_

_Undaunted by his coolness, Julia continued on. Laying out why she and Roger were visiting Helmand, their objectives and the work they did as MPs to ensure the war was running smoothly and that the resources he relied on to operate were always available. The lieutenant just stared back as she babbled on, saying nothing in return, the only visible sign of his growing tension being the way his hands began to clench into fists the longer she spoke._

_At last, Julia stopped, intent on giving him the floor. “I want to know your thoughts on the ongoing conflict, lieutenant. Certainly you’ve seen enough here to offer an unfettered perspective few are lucky enough to possess.”_

_He laughed then, a nasty, caustic sound that took Julia aback, flashing two rows of perfect, even teeth as he fixed her with a smile that bordered on sadistic._

_“I’m lucky.”_

_“I didn’t mean to say—”_

_“Luck.” His Scottish accent twisted the word into one harsh, dark syllable, those eyes burning even more hotly as they remained on her face. “Lucky to miss the births of both of my children. My anniversary for three years running.”_

_“Lieutenant, I—”_

_“Lucky to survive in this hellhole. Eating next to a buddy in mess one day, sharing a laugh over a pint. Watching his legs get blown off the next.”_

_“I’m sorry—”_

_“Lucky to watch innocent civilians get killed, day after day. Knowing you’re meant to help. And also knowing there isn’t a bloody thing you can do to stop their slaughter by the hundreds, by the thousands. Because of people like you,” he said coldly, pointing directly at her._

_Julia was truly taken aback, incensed by the insinuation that all of that blood was on her hands, pissed that he would ever stoop so low as to incriminate her personally. “You’re out of line, Lieutenant Budd,” she returned with force, keeping a tenuous hold on her cool as she shook her head vehemently. The pen she gripped in hand was very, very close to cracking in half.  
_

_“You have no idea what I do as an MP, how difficult my decisions are. I don’t have the luxury of the individual, biased viewpoint. We look at the big picture, the best option for multitudes of people. And that involves casualties, yes. It’s unfortunate, but unavoidable.”_

_“That’s how you sleep at night, isn’t it? Convincing yourself of that bullshit.”_

_At that she rose to her feet, cheeks flushed with rage as she sidestepped a low table to get closer and make her point well and truly heard. “I sleep knowing that I’m doing my job as best I can. Doing what works for the country as a whole. And no, I won't cower to some bitter, jaded asshole who thinks he can judge me just because he’s served a few tours, seen a few casualties up close. You have no idea who I am or what I do, how hard I work on YOUR behalf and millions more to ensure your safety through policy.”_

_“Your policies have killed dozens of my friends and hurt hundreds more,” he retorted, rising to his feet and coming to stand inches from her face. “And you know you couldn’t give less of a shit about it, Ms. Montague. Because their votes don’t matter anymore if they’re dead. Isn’t that right, you sanctimonious little cunt?”_

_“How DARE you—"_

_Julia was beyond rage at that point, her hand moving swiftly of its own volition to smack him hard, to mark that brutally handsome face in one fell, deserving blow. NOBODY had ever spoken to her like that before in her entire life, and she’d be bloody damned if she was going to take it from the likes of him that night._

_Except her hand was intercepted mid-swing. Her wrist crushed painfully within a firm, unyielding grip as Lieutenant Budd reacted reflexively by catching her arm and slamming her back into the wall behind them in one swift move. Julia stopped breathing as his other hand came up to frame her throat, went utterly still as those intense eyes shifted from fiery to desirous, burning into hers. She could feel the entire outline of his powerful body against hers, feel his warm breath coming fast against her mouth. Those sensual lips coming in much too close to her own. Hovering less than a couple centimeters away._

_**Do it** , her primitive mind screeched, her body coursing uncontrollably with adrenaline and sheer, unfettered need. Julia hadn’t felt such passion in what felt like decades, feeling her nipples harden to steel points, the humid space between her thighs throbbing, demanding contact, seeking rough, careless fingers and a hard, ready cock flushed with hot blood. _

_She wanted Lieutenant Budd. Wanted to dare him to take her in that moment. To use force, to have his way with her in as many positions as he pleased. The possibilities were suddenly endless, and she felt her delirium crest the longer he looked at her, pressing that lithe, powerful body to her own, the heat of his hands on her wrist and at her throat driving her mad with desire._

_Fucking **PLEASE**. Just--_

_“I need you to leave,” he finally whispered, voice hoarse as he let go of his grip on her wrist, lowered a trembling hand from her neck. Stepped back quickly and averted his eyes. Julia was still breathing hard, her pulse erratic and her thoughts scattered to hell, catching a feverish glimpse of the conspicuous tenting at the front of the lieutenant’s dark pants as he turned away from her swiftly and walked into the recesses of the trailer._

_“Please go. Now.”_

_She departed the trailer on shaky legs, never meeting the eyes of the waiting soldier nor speaking a word as he kindly escorted her back to the lit, bustling epicenter of the base._

* * *

_16 Oct 2013 03:00_

_Julia couldn’t sleep that night._

_Restless._

_The air, cool and still._

_Sweat beading between her breasts. Thighs parted and hot beneath sticky sheets._

_Her hand wanted to venture down there. There, where her desire pooled and throbbed with an unrelenting, heated persistence. It had been hours since their encounter. Yet the feel of his strong hand, like a vice around her slender wrist, lingered._

_She found herself praying for a bruise._

_God. She **wanted** him._

_In the very worst way._

_She couldn’t touch herself, play with herself. Slide a couple fingers deep and think of him, strong and agile and fierce. Brutally taking her. Making her scream in pleasure._

_Not now._

_Not while he_ _was next to her, anyway._

_So Julia found herself doing something she hadn’t done in months, possibly close to a year._

_Roger lay there, his back to her. Snoring softly._

_She came in close, slid a sweaty hand around his waist. Reached for his cock immediately. Teased it to fullness, imagining a broad, muscled back against her chest._

_That firm, practiced hand got her husband’s attention._

_And yet she barely looked at him in the darkness as he sighed, turning to her. The obligatory kiss of his thin lips hardly registering. Julia felt full lips instead, saw herself tracing a hand against a violently sharp jawline. Ran her palms down a torso thick and taut with muscle. Sank her teeth into a lean shoulder adorned with black ink._

_She shoved her husband’s body down and climbed astride him. Blind to all else save for the image of burning blue eyes, searing every inch of her as she tore her nightie off. Leaned down and captured a waiting mouth, imagining the naughty dance of tongues rough and dueling for control in the dark._

_Opening, opening wide to him and him alone in her mind’s eye._

_Sliding a finger inside to test her slickness, how ready she was for him. Licking it clean as she watched the lieutenant writhe, watched his young body buck beneath hers as she slid down onto an impossibly hard, beautiful cock._

_Feeling him quivering hard within her pussy, straining, fighting for control as she arched her back and clawed at his chest. Yanked him up. Forced his mouth to her breast as she rode him harder, and harder still. Tightening her juicy cunt around him, willing him to come apart, to scream her name—_

_“Julia!”_

_Roger’s voice, hoarse and weak as he came suddenly, sinking back down to the covers as his hands tightened around her waist. She let him have his moment, watched his aging body heave as he wound down from their rare bout of lovemaking, the sparse gray hairs on his chest moist with sweat and his cock gone soft inside of her almost instantly._

_Roger rolled aside quickly once she dismounted, turning his back to her again and resuming his slumber._

_And Julia lay there in the dark, still naked. Eyes wide open. Absently rubbing her wrist._

_Not sated in the least.  
_

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do NOT read at work, y'all. I'm serious this time around. Sneak out to the bathroom, to your car. Do whatever you've got to do. I can't afford to send out unemployment checks on a grad school budget. :)  
> Enjoy!  
> -Candi

* * *

_16 Oct 2013 06:30_

_Their morning together was much more subdued than usual._

_Julia had managed less than an hour’s sleep before the dawn began to break in earnest, painting the drab interior of their room in dusky shades of blue. Roger stirred first, sighing as he swung his legs over the side of the bed and quietly departed for the bathroom._

_He finished, and emerged; she entered and showered, grateful to wash off the remnants of their lovemaking, praying to hell he wouldn’t expect an encore anytime soon._

_Julia tilted her head back, closed her eyes beneath the tepid stream of lukewarm water. Thought of the lieutenant, no doubt having already begun his day on base. Wondering if he’d endured the same sleepless night; if he’d had a chance to tend to that sizeable bulge she’d witnessed down below as he hurriedly turned away, dismissing her for the evening._

_Wondering if he thought about her as he did so._

_A knock at the door._

_“Julia, you have a call to jump on in 5.”_

_Shit._

_She shut off the shower, toweled off in haste. Got her mind off the lieutenant with more than a little difficulty. Refocused exclusively on the work itself, the objectives she had to fulfill as the leading MP on this trip. There were directives to give, reports to file, media to entice into delivering the correct soundbites for her constituency and the country as a whole to process. Irrespective of her lack of sleep and last night’s events, she still had a job to do._

_Julia emerged and got dressed in relative silence. Roger kept his back to her the entire time, typing away on his keyboard, head down and eyes strictly on his work. It was only as she took her seat at the desk next to him that he bothered to stir; she watched out of the corner of her eye as he paused in his work, turning to regard her warily._

_“Good morning.”_

_“Morning,” Julia tossed back without so much as a glance, dialing into her morning conference call. She could feel the oddly-pitched tension in the air, the questions he was obviously holding back in the wake of that spontaneous, middle-of-the-night sex session. For them to go from not having sex at all in close to a full year to THAT was bound to give him pause. Naturally._

_And Julia couldn’t care less._

_Their marriage had been dissolving steadily for years. Practically since the start, if either of them truly cared to be honest. And they’d already crossed the infidelity bridge numerous times before, with Roger all-too-willing to stick his largely unimpressive dick into anything pretty that batted an eye in his immediate vicinity over the entire span of their matrimony._

_So as far as she was concerned, she owed him fuck-all when it came to an explanation. And there was certainly no reason for her to hold back now where the lieutenant was concerned._

_The merest thought of that possibility finding any sort of fruition made her hot all over again, her voice just a touch breathless on the phone as she abruptly snapped back into attention, ignoring the insistent tingling down below._

_Breathe. Focus.  
_

* * *

_13:45_

_Another media opportunity, another chance to distance herself from Roger and make her sentiments known on her own terms. This time the questions all came directly to her post-session, and Julia answered them with her usual articulate aplomb, not even bothering to throw to him for comment. Feeling a secret satisfaction when the journalists wrapped up their broadcast and he stormed off immediately without a word, not even bothering with the façade of being in league with each other politically anymore._

_Good._

_She found herself suppressing a smirk as she gathered her articles from the makeshift lectern beneath the tent, thoroughly pleased with herself. The sooner and more adroitly she could distinguish herself, the better._

_“Ma’am.”_

_Julia froze, her heart tripling its rhythm instantly at the sound of that voice._

_Lieutenant Budd stood at attention just a few paces behind her at the edge of the tent in his customary camouflage, dark glasses donned. “A moment, please.”_

_“Of course,” she replied, trying to appear as nonplussed as possible, replacing her dossiers in her case as he waited silently. The afternoon heat suddenly felt even more intense as Julia turned and approached him with measured steps. The lieutenant removed his glasses as she approached, those ever-serious blue eyes trained on her. Perhaps it was simply her imagination, but she could swear she detected a touch less ire in their depths than before._

_“Yes, lieutenant?”_

_He shifted slightly, the muscles of his jaw working just before he spoke. “I…wish to apologize for my verbal and physical conduct last evening, ma’am. I was out-of-line, and I am sorry. It’ll not happen again.”_

_Julia was genuinely taken aback. Of all of the reasons she could’ve imagined the lieutenant would be calling her over to speak, hearing an apology for last night’s transgressions had never even remotely made the list._

_“All is forgiven,” she murmured, remembering the sensual force of his hand at the tender skin of her throat, how she would’ve absolutely let it roam anywhere he pleased. He offered a tight little nod in return, preparing to continue._

_“I’ve alerted a fellow officer to the need you’ve expressed for a personal account of the war, and he’s agreed to participate in my place. Colonel James—”_

_“I beg your pardon?” Julia interrupted him immediately, eyes widening in surprise._

_He looked at her strangely, eyes narrowing a fraction as he spoke again. “I’ve found you a replacement, Ms. Montague. Another ‘perspective.’ I believe last night made it crystal clear to the both of us that I’m not the right soldier for your little research project.”_

_“I make that decision, Lieutenant. Not you,” she returned angrily, incensed that he would make that choice on her behalf. “It has to be you. Honor your commitment. I’ve started my reports, and I have no intention of beginning anew for your convenience.”_

_The lieutenant said nothing at all as he stared at her, jaw still working furiously as his eyes hardened, that familiar veil of contempt quickly falling over his features._

_“I’m not softening my stance.”_

_“I didn’t ask you to.”_

_Julia stared right back, refusing to back down for a second even as she felt her body reacting all over again to their closeness, to the boiling tension between them that only seemed to increase with each passing moment. She fought the awfully high temptation to flick her eyes down to that incredible mouth, shuttered the instinct to lean in even closer and catch a whiff of his aftershave, taste the faint sheen of sweat shining at the base of his throat._

_He was damn near impossible to resist. And Julia was not going to take no for an answer._

_“Fine. 20:00 hours tonight. I’ll send escort 15 prior.”_

_Lieutenant Budd broke their standoff, replaced his tactical glasses, strode away without another word. She hefted her case and put on her own sunglasses before following, a bit of a saunter to her steps in the wake of that small yet vital victory._

* * *

_19:40_

_Julia emerged again from the bathroom, fastening her watch and smoothing the dark pencil skirt she’d changed into after dinner. That had been quite the affair; they’d eaten with the highest-ranking Army officials sponsoring their trip, who were curious as to how they were settling in thus far. Roger had remained moody and upset, boorishly dominating that conversation in an effort to exclude her (as if it bothered Julia in the least to sit there and watch him make a fool of himself in the dim hopes of showing her up). She’d merely smiled between bites, offering a charming reply here and there when it was required of her and largely staying above the fray of masculine posturing taking place at the table._

_It was only towards the end of their dinner that her attention was truly piqued, much to Roger’s irritation._

_“How’s the lieutenant been handling your detail? I trust it has all run smoothly,” General Myers inquired, Julia’s head turning sharply in his direction at the mention of the man who’d been on her mind pretty much all evening._

_“It has, yes. He’s been very accommodating,” she affirmed, offering little else lest anything untoward slip out regarding her personal assessment of the man in question._

_“Bit of a prick, to be sure,” Roger sniffed disdainfully, a muted round of laughter following his comment. The general simply smiled, wiping the corner of his mouth with a napkin._

_“He is. Lieutenant Budd’s been a thorn in my side since he settled into the regiment. A right prickly Scottish bastard, that one. Also happens to be one of the finest soldiers I’ve ever trained. Smart. Tough. Very capable. Overdue for a promotion, really. Though I’m sure I’ll be losing him to civvy street soon enough,” he lamented, shaking his head._

_“He’s done a good job, sir,” Julia was quick to underscore her praise, shooting Roger a look of quiet disgust._

_“Excellent. You’re in good hands, Ms. Montague. I’ve entrusted you to the best.”_

_Julia had definitely blushed at that statement, taking a moment to hide behind her own napkin as the general took his leave, his aides rising to accompany him. They’d been escorted back to the room in short order, Julia hurrying to change in record time while Roger continued to sulk. It was only when she emerged from the bathroom that he’d even bothered to acknowledge her presence.  
_

_She felt his eyes on her back as she slid into her heels, bent to retrieve her pearl earrings from her jewelry case._

_And then suddenly she felt him behind her. Hands resting at her waist as she straightened up, lowering his chin down to her shoulder. His hips pressing faintly into hers._

_“I’d forgotten how sexy you can be, Julia,” Roger muttered quietly next to her ear, nipping at it with his teeth._

_Oh, for fuck’s sake. She really didn’t have time for this. At all._

_“I’m running late,” Julia said, a touch of irritation coloring her voice. Moving out of his grasp, she turned and opened her briefcase, rifling through to find the notes she needed._

_“What the bloody hell was last night, then? Care to explain?” he spat out finally, obviously fed up with the encounter between them going unaddressed._

_“A mood, Roger. Nothing more.”_

_“And you’re headed out now. Where?”_

_“I’m conducting an interview.”_

_“With whom?”_

_“A soldier. It’s work-related. We’re on an army base this week for a reason.”_

_“With the lieutenant.”_

_Julia bristled, turning and shooting him a glare full of daggers. “Drop the dick-measuring contest, Roger. I have a job to do. I don’t have time for this.”_

_“You’re interviewing him. Alone.”_

_A knock sounded at the door, a voice ringing loud and clear through the dented metal. “Your escort, ma’am.”_

_She and Roger looked at each other for a moment more, his accusatory statement hanging in the air. Julia said nothing else, her gaze baleful as she took her small portfolio in hand and turned on her heel to leave, slamming the door behind her._

* * *

_20:00_

_The lieutenant opened his door and gestured for her to come inside with a hasty wave, nodding his thanks at the private as she entered the cabin and primly sat back down. He was wearing much the same thing he wore yesterday evening, freshly showered, a small towel slung over his shoulder as he turned his back and headed in the opposite direction._

_“A moment,” he said roughly, not meeting her eyes as he disappeared into the front half of the trailer. Julia unloaded her portfolio and waited, spreading her notes out on the low table before her even as she picked up on bits and pieces of the phone conversation Lieutenant Budd was obviously engaged in._

_“Love, it’s—no. No, I can’t, I’m sorry.” He sounded upset, his voice terse. “I know what I promised before. There’s nobody else to cover for—no. Vicky, listen…”_

_His wife._

_He’d mentioned his anniversary the previous evening. Julia sat back then, listening to the obvious stress in his voice. Beginning to get a distinct idea of the strain he was under, clearly having to choose between his family and his duties on a constant basis. The longer she overheard more of his conversation, the more empathy she began to feel for his circumstances. The better she began to understand the tension perpetually tightening his features, the air of anger and discontent cloaking his presence._

_“I’m going to try. I can’t promise—I’m sorry. What else do you want me to say? It isn’t in my hands, Vick. And you know that,” he was saying, trying to keep it down and failing more as the frustration rose in his voice. “Tell the kids I love—hello? Hello?”_

_The sound of the dial tone was unusually loud in the quiet trailer._

_“Fuck!”_

_Julia jumped at the exclamation and the accompanying violent thud of what distinctly sounded like a fist slamming into a cheap metal wall, probably denting it if the reverberation of the noise were any indication._

_Lieutenant Budd emerged after a long moment, running a hand through his mane of curls in agitation. Cast her an aggravated look, clearly peeved to be receiving her at this particular moment in time._

_“If this isn’t a good time—”_

_“It isn’t. But I’m sure you don’t give a shit.”_

_“Lieutenant—”_

_He was clearly fed up, riled beyond words, holding a hand up to silence her. Julia watched as he took a seat on the same stool as the previous evening, shoulders hunched as he buried his head in his hands briefly and exhaled before raising up again, looking at the notes spread out on his coffee table with bitter resignation. “Let’s just get this over with.”_

_“When’s the last time you saw your family?” Nothing about his personal life was in any of the notes she planned to reference, and yet she found herself wanting to know. He looked up at her sharply, suspicion mingling with distrust in his eyes._

_“Are you my shrink now?”_

_Julia shrugged. “I want to get an idea of your work-life balance, lieutenant. Perhaps our policies can change, help soldiers with families return to them a little sooner.”_

_“Yeah. In body bags.”_

_It had literally been less than two minutes since they started talking, and she wanted to throttle him already. “You’re not going to get a rise out of me, if that’s what you want,” she said, trying to keep the heat out of her voice and failing to some extent, watching him sneer as he regarded her with frank distaste. “And you’re sure as hell aren’t going to keep insinuating that I’m some sort of war monger, out for blood at all costs.”_

_“Aren’t you, though?” Lieutenant Budd sat back, crossing his arms. “I did my research too, Ms. Montague. Your record is littered with votes to extend the war, to expand it. To put as many of us in the line of fire as possible while sparing the sorry asses of you and your ilk.”_

_The color rose in her face in record time. “Anytime you’d like to ask me a question about my actual stance on the war instead of ignorantly smearing my name and misrepresenting my opinions, Lieutenant Budd, I’m all ears. I’ll be more than happy to set the record straight.”_

_“So now I’m to fight your wars AND conduct your interviews, ma’am?”_

_God, was he infuriating. Julia lowered her voice, refusing to stoop to his level, refusing to let him get a real rise out of her. “What’s beneath this constant bluster, lieutenant? Tell me. Regret? Do you honestly expect me to pity you for the life you chose? Is it easier to just blame me instead? Nobody forced you into this.”_

_She saw a lightning clap of anger flash beneath those fathomless eyes, feeling herself flush with exhilaration and fear and something deliriously approaching desire as he rose slowly to his feet, staring at her._

_“Fuck you. Get out.”_

_Julia got to her feet, smoothed her skirt, looked him directly in the eye. “No.”_

_He began to advance on her, coiled and silent, intimidating in the extreme. She stood her ground until she simply couldn’t anymore, feeling her breath catch as he came closer, forcing her to move, to take tiny steps back until she found herself between the long, bulky line of his body and the wall itself._

_Lieutenant Budd said nothing. A muscle near his mouth twitched dangerously. Those eyes peering down into her own, unblinking and fierce, seeming to strip her further bare with every passing second._

_Julia couldn’t help herself. Her gaze lowered to his mouth, pausing for one long, irresistible second. Considered the contours of those full pouty lips, moistened slightly, parted just a touch._

_By the time her gaze returned to his, he **knew**. _

_It was undeniable._

_“Tell me why you’re here, Ms. Montague.” The lieutenant’s voice, low and deep. A note of dark certainty coloring its tone._

_Julia found her voice, shaky as it were. “To interview you.”_

_“And?”_

_She said nothing more, letting her gaze speak for itself. Lowering it again to that plush bottom lip, helpless against the rush of desire beginning to make her body tremble, her knees weak. Neither of them were touching each other, and yet she couldn’t ever recall being more aroused in her entire life._

_His eyes lowered to the first button of her blouse. Long, blunt fingers rose to undo it. He slid the tiny pearl button from its slot, watching her shirt gape open the slightest bit before his gaze returned to hers._

_“And?”_

_“I…” Julia found it hard to breathe as he undid the second button. And the third. Her nipples perked up instantly, pressing boldly through the thin lace of her bra and the silk of the shirt. The ache between her thighs intensifying by the second._

_“Say it.” The lieutenant whispered it dangerously in the air between them, almost like a threat, heated eyes intent on his work. Undoing the fourth button, the curves of her soft cleavage bared to him._

_She could hear his breathing go unsteady at the reveal, her skin flushing beneath his blatant scrutiny. Her own breath coming faster the longer he stared at her._

_“I need…”_

_He still wouldn’t touch her directly. His gaze came up to her eyes even as his hands disappeared behind her waist. She could feel the tiny hook of her pencil skirt being pulled loose. The zipper of her skirt lowering, tight fabric parting slowly and exposing the upper curves of her ass._

_“Julia.”_

_He whispered her name against her mouth, low and throaty. Hypnotic. She almost came from the sound of it alone._

_“Tell me…”_

_Julia dove for his mouth instantly, through with pretenses, done with being teased. Captured his lips fiercely, feeling her desire surge to ridiculous heights as he matched her in intensity, his mouth prying hers open. His tongue wetly sought hers out as she brought her hands up to his face, tangled wild fingers in his hair, pressed him closer as they devoured each other._

_He broke away, maneuvering her a quarter turn and backing them both up with staggering steps, letting his mouth travel down to her breasts as she urged him lower, gripping his curls in a death lock as she felt one hand paw at her bra, shoving it aside, squeezing her breast roughly as moist lips surrounded her nipple._

_“Fuck,” she shuddered, feeling her sex twinge almost painfully as he sucked at her breast with an eager urgency, their bodies still moving until she felt the cool press of a dresser’s edge at the back of her thighs. The lieutenant didn’t break away for a moment, nibbling gently at her aureole even as his hands came up to span her waist, pulling her skirt downward with strong, quick tugs._

_He rose and turned her in one fluid move, sweeping a reckless arm across the surface of the dresser and knocking all else off before bending her over it. Julia gasped as he pressed her down, watching his reflection in the mirror she was now facing as he assessed her then, bare breasts heaving and mouth gaping wide, her legs spread for him in wanton fashion._

_“Typical politician,” the lieutenant intoned breathlessly, wild eyes on hers as she felt him pull her thong aside, his finger parting her slit and engaging it with the barest of strokes. Julia squirmed, needing more, her hands braced against the dresser tightly as she found herself pressing back against his merest touch. “Lying the entire time.”_

_“Please…”_

_“I knew it all along. Knew it the minute you made the request. You didn’t want any fucking soundbites. Or any goddamn perspective,” he murmured darkly, eyes piercing hers as he slid a finger in, then two, thrusting them in and out with firm, even strokes. Julia bit her lip at the delicious sensation, not daring to speak as she felt herself cream heavily, her body wanting so much more._

_Lieutenant Budd paused. Undid his pants, let them drop to the floor. Watching her in the mirror as he let the hot, thick length of his cock rest against her ass like a brand. Slipping himself in between her cheeks, rubbing himself slowly against her. Let her feel the blunt tip of him, pressed snugly against her entrance._

_“Tell me what you want, Julia.”_

_She couldn’t take it anymore._

_“Fuck me,” she ground out, much too proud to beg yet practically beside herself with need. He held her hips still with his hands as he begin to slide inside, not letting her press back, controlling his slow plunge into her. Beads of sweat were gathered on his forehead, the cobalt of his eyes a blazing inferno as he gritted his teeth, fighting his own tortured need for more._

_“Say it with more respect.”_

_“Fuck me, lieutenant,” Julia gasped out, the full girth of him stretching her, her sex aching and slick as he kept pressing forward until she could feel the soft hairs of his thighs and groin rub gently against her bare, quivering skin._

_“That’s better,” he whispered roughly, pulling slowly out only to slam back into her hard, a shriek flying from her mouth at the shock of that one blunt, vicious thrust. Another followed, then another, the lieutenant shutting his eyes and tilting his head back a touch as he fell into a hard, staccato rhythm, the slap of their bodies loud and obscene in the heated air. Julia could hardly stifle the sharp cries of pleasure that left her lips, the sensation doubling in measure she felt him reach beneath her to stroke her clit._

_“God…” she gasped, feeling her eyes cross at the dual sensation of him going so deep and rubbing her in rhythm. He opened half-lidded eyes to watch her, the hardness in his gaze having given way fully to unrestrained desire as he moaned at the sight of her, mouth parted and breath coming fast as he teased her closer to orgasm. “Faster, lieutenant…”_

_“Fuck--” The lieutenant stopped entirely, pulling out as he grasped her by the shoulders and turned her to face him in one swift motion before hoisting her up onto the dresser. Their lips came together in fevered bliss, his hands parting her thighs before cupping her face as he plunged back in. Julia let out a fierce cry, her legs wrapping around his waist tightly and urging him on as they matched each other thrust for thrust, their frenzied wildness reaching a fever pitch._

_“David…” Julia dared to moan his first name directly into his mouth, utterly unafraid to tempt his ire by that point, biting that full bottom lip that had been beckoning her for long torturous days as she felt him shudder suddenly, squeezing her body with strong arms. He shut his eyes as he came apart then, gasping for air against her neck, the strength of his orgasm shocking her and bringing her close to the brink._

_She hardly had time to react before he withdrew and suddenly knelt down, burying his face between her legs, pulling her hips close as he dove immediately for her clit, suckling her fiercely. Julia could hardly draw a breath, arching against his mouth as he greedily took her apart. Within seconds, she came so hard she saw stars clouding her vision, shaking in uncontrollable spasms, his tongue diving for every last drop of her wetness as her body sank weakly back against the mirror._

_The lieutenant rose after a long, quiet moment, pressing his forehead to hers. Settled back into the cradle of her thighs as they wound down. Planted an unexpectedly soft kiss on her lips. Blue eyes still stern, a noticeable devious glint now highlighting their depths._

_“Same time tomorrow evening, I take it.”_

_“20:00. Don’t keep me waiting.” Julia met his gaze evenly, her own no doubt holding the same glint. The lieutenant’s lips pursed in the slightest hint of a smile as he regarded her quietly, obviously willing to play her game._

_Oh, this was going to be interesting._

_“Yes, ma’am.”_


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm adding more chapters. This story is turning into a monstrosity. A sexy one, but a monstrosity nonetheless. :)  
> Enjoy. -C.

* * *

_17 Oct 2013 07:15_

_She’d slept blissfully for the first time in months. Turned off her alarm entirely, gave herself an extra hour of rest._

_It was a Saturday morning. No conference calls to lead, no assistants to shepherd, no media members to court. That day was scheduled to be light on meetings and press interviews, with tours of the nearby villages and a meeting with local security forces slated for later that afternoon._

_Julia stirred a little, stretched beneath thin, threadbare sheets. Felt the telltale aches of a night well spent flare to life, decadently tender in places she hadn’t entertained in years._

_She’d returned last night, much later than originally planned. Dove straight into the shower before Roger could so much as protest, tossing off an anecdote about the unbearable heat and the need to refresh before bed. The memory of the lieutenant’s hands on her, his mouth everywhere, his body claiming hers again and again washed over her anew, senses awakened and alive, her skin suffused with heat._

_Julia lingered in the steam, breathing deeply. Running languid palms over her soapy body, slowly rinsing off, warm water sluicing sensually over every curve. Took her time drying off, smoothed a bit of fragrant oil all over, pulled on a navy silk nightie. The lights had long since been turned off in their room by the time she emerged and settled into bed, falling asleep almost immediately._

_This morning, however, the room was much too quiet._

_She endeavored to open her eyes fully, turning her head on the pillow and observing the empty covers on the other side of the bed. Swept her gaze around the small room. Roger was nowhere to be found, though his cases and laptop were still in place. Julia rose, a little bewilderment tinging the corners of her mind as she methodically prepared for the day in silence._

_It didn’t take long at all before he returned, however. And once she found out exactly what he’d been up to that morning, she genuinely wished he’d stayed on the other side of the door permanently._

_“Sleep well?” Roger’s voice, flavored with sarcasm as he looked her over from head to toe, something approaching real disgust lying beneath his perusal._

_It was much too early for his particular brand of bullshit. Julia sighed, shoving past him to get to the closet near the door. “I did.”_

_“Did the skirt work?”_

_She ignored him entirely, sensing that he wanted a fight. Continued on as if she didn’t hear him at all, pulling out a lightweight cream pantsuit and pushing past him to lay it out on the bed._

_“Or did the lieutenant see past it? He’s allegedly a smart man. I’m sure he’s got younger, less desperate women to entertain in his spare time.”_

_Julia stiffened at his words, but still remained silent, refusing to engage. Roger, being the bully he was, usually gave up if he couldn’t get a rise out of her. She slipped into a silken camisole, frowning in increasing irritation when Roger pushed aside her suit to have a seat on the bed and peer at her, a small, smug smile on his lips as he took a pointed sip of coffee._

_“You're in the way.”_

_“I took the liberty of passing a request on to General Parker this morning. Your nightly interviews with the lieutenant are to be accompanied from here on out, full-stop. No more one-on-one chats, no more sneaking about. Everything stays on-the-record, above reproach. Completely appropriate.”_

_He just kept finding new reasons for her to want to punch him directly in the mouth, didn’t he?_

_Julia stopped her actions entirely, fixing him with a look that could commit murder. “You’re an insufferable asshole, Roger. I’m sure you know already, but clearly it needs to be reiterated this morning," she hissed, real venom in her voice, pissed beyond words that he would meddle in her business to such an extent._

_“It’s unseemly for a woman of your stature to be gallivanting around base at night with such a thin excuse to visit an officer’s quarters by yourself every evening. Makes us both look bad, to be frank. Might make the press start talking if it continued as is, Julia.” Roger smirked, endlessly pleased that he’d succeeded in making the color rise in her cheeks, dangling the threat of exposure in front of her face should she oppose his new request. “Your ambitions are clear. Surely you’d like to avoid a scandal at this point?”_

_Julia fumed. “Perhaps we should trot out your horde of pathetic conquests over the years, Roger. Elizabeth, your first-year intern? Marie, your publicist? Natalie, the wife of your ex-accountant? All of those ‘completely appropriate’ encounters? Shall I call for a press conference today, air everything out?”_

_That got a rise out of him then, the smirk dropping entirely off his face as his expression hardened maliciously._

_A knock at the door interrupted their stand-off, a brusque voice sounding through the door. “Good morning. Escort to breakfast.”_

_Roger pushed himself up from the bed, stalking past her roughly to gather his personal effects. Julia finished dressing and followed him out of the room, the two of them avoiding eye contact entirely as the soldier led them to the mess hall._

* * *

_19:35_

_The day had gone without a hitch, mercifully enough, despite its inauspicious beginnings. Julia and Roger were more than accustomed to the delicate tightrope act of completely ignoring each other while still maintaining some sense of professional cohesion for the public eye to consume. They’d visited some of the outer regions of the province under heavy guard, their armored trucks flanked by artillery vehicles should any trouble arise, and were even involved in a brief but pleasant tour of one of the safer villages._

_Lieutenant Budd had accompanied them everywhere that afternoon, hardly ever leaving them for a second, issuing security orders on his radio at an alarming rate and coordinating every single step of their visit with an exacting level of detail that bordered on pathological. It was clear he knew the terrain, knew the dangers posed, and wasn’t willing to take ANY risks as far as their safety was concerned._

_A total professional, through and through._

_Julia felt her admiration increase considerably that day, watching him work. The general had been absolutely correct. They were clearly in very capable, very safe hands._

_Best of all, there was a wonderful lack of awkward tension where they were concerned, a refreshing sense that what had transpired between them the night before could exist in its own sphere while they carried out their public duties without a hitch. The lieutenant acted as he always had, brusque and impersonal, eyes hidden behind those ever-present shades as he silently flanked her from location to location._

_There was a moment, however, when they were preparing to leave the village. An armed soldier awaited her patiently at the open door of the truck. Julia nodded her thanks, climbing in and situating herself for a moment, turning back to signal that the door could be closed…and he was standing right there._

_The lieutenant. Removing his shades. Those electric blue eyes, taking her in hungrily for one long moment, sweeping her from head to toe before settling on her face. Fixing her with a look that was so intensely sexual she felt herself flush, growing wet in mere seconds._

_God. He could’ve had her then and there, public scandal be absolutely damned._

_He replaced his shades without a word, shutting the door. Breaking the spell. Julia took a deep, steadying breath, re-calibrating herself in the wake of that moment, unnerved at just how easy it was for him to do that to her._

_Turn her on._

_Make her positively ache for him._

_She hardly knew the lieutenant at all, to be sure. Had barely even gotten to the point of a full-on conversation. But the sensual power he held, the attraction thrumming between them…it was inexplicable. Unreal. And last night’s tryst was hardly enough._

_In a word, Julia needed more._

_She stayed in this state for hours, feeling herself grow even more anticipatory as the long day turned to dusk and their time together drew ever closer. Wondering at the effect of Roger’s idiotic request, the speed and alacrity of such an order in the ranks of the army given the fact that it was issued by a civilian. Roger could be quite the influential figure when he wanted to, could glad-hand and get his way with the best of them whenever he had the chance to ingratiate himself with those in power._

_As it were, he sat at his desk across the room, answering e-mails, back to ignoring her entirely. Their frigid silence had mercifully held for the duration. Julia put in her earrings carefully, jumping a little at the knock on the door._

_She glanced at her watch, a bit startled. Much earlier than usual for her very punctual escort, but perhaps the lieutenant had requested it for a reason. Julia hurriedly slipped into her heels and took her portfolio in hand before walking over to the door, fully expecting to be greeted by the sight of an escorting soldier and a chaperone, grimacing already at the notion of her husband getting an upper hand in any way while they were on base. Once Roger got a taste of his own power in a situation, there was usually no end to what he wouldn’t manipulate in the name of his own ego._

_Except this time, evidently._

_She opened the door, and practically did a double take._

_Lieutenant Budd stood there. Ever silent, ever intimidating. Arms clasped behind his back in an official stance. Dressed in a tight black regulation t-shirt with his last name and rank insignia on the left breast, dark grey fatigues, and black boots. His face was utterly serious as he regarded her, not a trace of heat in his gaze._

_“Ma’am.”_

_“Lieutenant Budd,” she returned, eyes wider than normal as she took in the unexpected sight of him at the door. “I…was awaiting my escort team.”_

_“I’m escorting you tonight.” The tone of his voice left no room for misinterpretation; Julia felt a thrill run down her spine as she stepped out into the corridor, keeping her face carefully neutral. The lieutenant was looking past her now to Roger, who’d raised his head at the sound of the distinctive voice and was obviously making his way towards the door from the sounds of it._

_“Good evening, Lieutenant,” Roger greeted coolly, looking down his nose at the younger man._

_“Sir.”_

_Her husband pursed his lips disapprovingly, no doubt peeved at the lack of deference being afforded to him. The power dynamics here were entirely different, and it was obvious Roger wasn’t handling his demotion well in the least._

_“Julia is to now be accompanied during her interviews here on base,” he said, straightening to his full height in an attempt to appear domineering, in control of the situation. “I trust your superior has relayed the order to you by now.”_

_The lieutenant lowered his voice by several degrees, taking a step towards Roger, pinning him with that infamous, surly glare that had surely made the soldiers beneath his command lose sleep on occasion. “I **am** the superior, Mr. Penhaligon. All requests for escort on or off-base go through my command, with no exceptions. That includes requests for accompaniment, which in this case is entirely unnecessary and a waste of army personnel.”_

_“I think that’s up for debate.” Roger’s protest was relatively weak by comparison, the politician backing up just a step as Lieutenant Budd stepped in even closer, his demeanor unflinching, eyes riled dangerously as he regarded the older man._

_“Your request has been denied. Don’t ever go over my head in the chain of command again,” the lieutenant snapped, clearly incensed at the disrespect shown to his authority. “Sir.”_

_Julia had seen just about enough, beyond frustrated with Roger’s ridiculous antics yet incredibly turned on by the way the soldier was pulling rank. She stirred restlessly, clearing her throat. “Lieutenant? Our time is limited here. I’d prefer to use it wisely.”_

_He leveled one last daunting glare at Roger before stepping back and turning to leave. Julia had to suppress the almighty urge to gloat at the look of helpless vexation on her husband’s face, keeping her neutral expression in place as she turned away and walked in brisk lockstep with the lieutenant as they made their way down the corridor._

* * *

_19:55_

_The trailer was utterly dark from the outside._

_She followed the lieutenant up the narrow metal stairs, walked with hesitant steps through the open door as he ushered her inside. Julia couldn’t see a thing._

_“Lieutenant, would you mind—”_

_The door had no sooner closed behind them before two strong arms grabbed her instantly, his mouth finding hers hungrily in the dark. He was ready for her, fully ready from the feel of it, lifting her easily up into his embrace before Julia even realized what was happening. She instinctively wrapped her legs around his waist as he carried her through the darkened cabin to his small, dimly-lit bedquarters, lips never leaving hers the entire time._

_“Lieutenant…” Julia broke away, needing air, needing some grip on sanity as she felt his tongue trace the underside of her jaw, his teeth tug at her earlobe. His said nothing at all in return, not pausing for a second, seemingly busying himself with the task of committing every last inch of her to memory. Broad hands were squeezing her bottom, pressing her closer to him, the considerable evidence of his arousal prodding at her through the thin linen of her pants._

_“Ground rules,” he finally growled against her throat as he let her down, his hands rising to catch the hem of her silk camisole and lift it swiftly from her frame. Goosebumps broke out on her skin at the sudden unveiling, Julia hardly having a chance to recover as the lieutenant unhooked her bra just as quickly, breasts coming free from their confines and filling his eager palms._

_“No personal questions. Unless I volunteer to share.”_

_“Fine,” she breathed heavily, closing her eyes as he pinched her nipple firmly, rolling it between his thumb and forefinger. His mouth followed, tongue sweeping out to circle its peak even as his hands moved to more southern regions, undoing the tiny button and zipper to her pants and pushing them down to the floor quickly._

_“Politics are off-limits. You can ask me about operational procedure. It’s clear we’re not going to agree on any other front, so let’s not bother.”_

_“Agreed,” Julia nodded, hardly in the mindset for any sort of work to be done as she felt him press her down to the mattress, hovering over her body for the briefest of seconds._

_“Ask your questions, Ms. Montague,” he whispered before kissing her again, brows raised as he lifted himself up and got back to his feet at the foot of the bed. His eyes were no less potent, remaining on her face intently as Julia swallowed, attempting to gather herself with little success._

_“Well…”_

_The lieutenant was removing his shirt as she spoke, lifting the snug black fabric up and over his head. Taut, lean muscles stood at rigid attention, chest broad and defined, narrowing down to tight hips. Julia’s gaze drank him in for the first time since that morning in the yard, hands longing to touch that taut body, to trace every line with her mouth, run her tongue over the curved lines of that dark, mysterious tattoo. He was dangerously sensual, utter temptation personified, and she was honestly having a difficult time remembering her own name by this point, let alone posing any goddamn questions related to national security._

_A corner of his mouth lifted as the seconds stretched by silently, watching her react favorably to his state of undress. “Your question, ma’am.”_

_“Do you go by David, or Dave?”_

_He paused, narrowing his eyes for a moment as he considered her question. Hesitating for a long, calculating second, evidently coming to some sort of truce in his own mind about his allowances when it came to her._

_“I go by both. Julia.”_

_“Fair enough,” she returned, her attempts at acting even remotely normal rapidly dissipating as he continued to undress. His fingers went to the placket of his fatigues, undoing the silver button just below his navel, unzipping himself much too slowly as he kept his eyes trained on her face._

_“Next question.”_

_He was making this a near-impossible endeavor. Julia couldn’t concentrate to save her life._

_“How many soldiers do you command?”_

_“Thirty. Sometimes more, depending on the need.” He slid his pants off in short order, revealing tight dark boxers that spanned his tapered waist, emphasized the thick bulk of his well-built thighs. “I’ve been asked to supervise close to 75 in the past. It varies.”_

_“And you…train them,” Julia wasn’t quite sure if she was even speaking English anymore, so flustered was she at the way he was revealing himself to her gaze, bit by bit. David knelt back over her then, working his way back up her body, kissing her legs, running his hands slowly over her thighs._

_“I train them, organize their regimen and daily schedules. Lead them into combat missions. Look after their welfare.” His fingers reached for her panties, tugging at the silk, willing it to slide downward. Julia felt faint as he parted her thighs and settled himself between them, his mouth seeking her sex without delay. Soft lips claimed her dewy flesh, pressing against her with a palpable urgency._

_“The general says…you’re due…for a promotion,” she hardly got out, sighing as his tongue worked its way inside of her gently, licking a slow, enticing line from her vulva to her clit._

_“That’s right,” he murmured against her inner thigh, the light scratch of stubble against her sensitive skin adding to her sensual torment. “They can keep their fucking promotion. Been avoiding it for months.”_

_“Because you’re…” Julia’s words broke off into a loud gasp as she felt him continue with more fervor, tilting his head, sucking and licking at her like a man dying of thirst, her pussy throbbing dangerously now as she came closer to the edge. “David…”_

_“Shhhh…” He kept going, coaxing her cries, feeling her writhe, hands at her waist and holding her steady as she began to shatter, pleasure almost turning to pain as it began to reach a boiling point._

_“God…please…”_

_“Let go,” he whispered lowly, the guttural edge of his voice and the sinful bliss of his tongue pressing hard against her clit making her veritably explode, her orgasm hitting with all the force of a freight train as she shuddered uncontrollably. Julia was floating, cresting on waves of pleasure, his wondrous mouth wringing every last ounce of rapture from her until she lay exhausted, eyes shut, panting and spent in every way conceivable._

_She came to with those curiously blue eyes on her, that same faint smile from the night before gracing his handsome features._

_“You’re back.”_

_“Barely.”_

_“Good. Let’s continue.”_

_Julia honestly wasn’t sure if she was capable of doing so…until David rose up then, sliding his boxers down and revealing himself fully to her gaze._

_**Damn**._

_She couldn’t help herself. Sat up slowly, hands outstretched. He bent to her, welcoming her touch. Soft, warm skin stretching over hard muscles that shifted erotically beneath her seeking palms. Julia took the pulsing, hot length of his cock in hand, stroking him gently, liking the way he bit his lip and sighed at her slow, deliberate motions._

_“I need you,” David whispered after a minute, swallowing heavily as he met her gaze. His raw, husky admission made her stomach flutter a little, made her lie back and regard him with eyes half-lidded and seductive as she welcomed his body atop hers._

_“How do you like it, Julia? Has he ever asked you? I doubt it. Selfish prick,” he muttered, lifting her legs atop his shoulders, resting in the cradle of her hips._

_“I like it…a little rough,” Julia found herself admitting in a voice she hardly recognized as her own, a low, honeyed purr that sounded positively foreign to her own ears. “Slow, deep. A little forceful. Like last night.”_

_“I figured you did.” David peered down at her with a knowing glint in his eyes, his irises darkening perceptibly as he settled himself between her thighs, taking himself in hand and nudging her open gently._

_“Fuck…” Julia breathed, shifting as he began to press into her, looking down between their bodies as David claimed her slowly. Feeling him take her the night before had been wonderful. Watching him ease his thick cock in, inch by magnificent inch, was on an entirely different level. She’d never been a party to anything this blatantly erotic in nature. But of course, she’d never been in the arms of a man quite like David before._

_They began to move together in earnest, neither of them wanting to rush. Like a true soldier, the lieutenant followed orders to the T. Being a little rough with her, biting at her mouth as he thrust in deep, keeping the tempo nice and steady. Julia felt herself trembling again before long, her body titillated beyond measure, unbelievably coming close to yet another breaking point._

_“Good?” he breathed, face flushed as he continued his motions._

_“Just like that. David, God…”_

_“I like my name on your lips,” he whispered. “Makes me want to give you more reasons to say it…”_

_He pinned her down then, thrusting into her, hips quickening their pace as they both felt each other begin to come apart. Julia broke first, biting into the thick muscle of his shoulder as she came in a rush, arms wrapped tightly around his sweaty back as she felt David follow her down into the abyss. He trembled suddenly in her embrace, tucking his face into her neck; she could swear she felt the lightest gossamer kiss at her nape as the full, comforting weight of him settled upon her. Silence reigned for minutes on end as neither of them cared to move, to speak, to do anything but breathe in the wake of their lovemaking._

_Finally he stirred, lifting himself from atop her and settling on his side. Blue eyes regarded her steadily, his features more relaxed than she’d ever seen them before as Julia turned on her side to face him._

_“Hardly any questions for me tonight, Ms. Montague.”_

_She snorted, rolling her eyes. “The conditions were hardly conducive. You don't make it easy, lieutenant."  
_

_David shrugged, shoulders hunching a fraction. Julia dared to reach out and trace an idle finger along his tattoo, watching him as he sighed heavily. “You’ve been making my job difficult, I have to admit. You're a distraction. Today was impossible.”_

_“In the field?”_

_“Especially after last night. With you, in thin white linen pants. Bending over constantly to inspect things. It began to feel like you were doing it on purpose.”_

_“Hardly!” She gaped in amusement, surprised at his revelation as he shook his head in disbelief._

_“I don’t believe you.”_

_”Are you calling me a tease, Lieutenant Budd?”_

_He raised an eyebrow, lips stretching and coming just short of a smile. “Maybe. Ma’am.”_

_The note of fondness coloring his voice in that moment gave her genuine pause. And it clearly did the same for him as well._

_Something was happening here. They both felt it. Something powerful, and profound.  
_

_They lay there, face to face. Regarding each other silently for a stretch. He looked hesitant for the very first time since she’d known him, a little uncertain in the wake of that moment of lightness between them. Julia felt a touch breathless looking at him, watching the hardness that had been ever-present behind his eyes dissolve into something else entirely, revealing some deeper interior emotion that was obviously more personal in nature. And she felt the cracks beginning to form in her own sense of resistance to a deeper intimacy, some untapped reservoir of feeling that hadn’t been touched in so long beginning to stir to life the longer they lay there, staring at each other in the dim, quiet room._

_Connecting on a level neither of them expected._

_Something was brewing between them. Something real._

_And as Julia and the lieutenant parted later that evening, those serious blue eyes lingering on hers as she closed the door behind her, she realized she hadn’t the slightest clue as to how to proceed from there._


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Buckle in, folks. This is a looooong one. Shout-out to all of the lovely people on Twitter that have been keeping me laughing all week--I LOVE and appreciate each and every one of you, and cherish your support. Thanks for being so patient. Enjoy. :)  
> -Candi

* * *

_18 Oct 2013 03:45_

_She needed to end it._

_There was no other way._

_It was becoming clearer each minute she lay quietly in bed, wide awake and staring up at nothing in particular. Roger had long ago drifted off, his back turned to her as usual. The base was eerily quiet at night, the faint sound of the dripping faucet and the occasional hum of the air conditioner providing an ambient backdrop to her troubled thoughts._

_Julia was a realist. Had been since birth. Prided herself on always choosing the most pragmatic course of action, not the emotionally-laden, often impulsive decisions that more often led to regret, to failure._

_To heartache._

_She married Roger because it was, pragmatically speaking, the right course of action at that time in her life._

_Not because she loved him, per se. She had absolutely been infatuated with him in the early days, having held many delusions about what success looked like, what it sounded like, what that upper echelon of powerful (male) figures was comprised of, what it would take to crack that ceiling._

_Roger had represented every single one of the attributes that reeked of ambition and inevitable, stunning success: tall, coldly handsome, self-assured to a point that flirted with smugness, undeniably polished in both manner and speech. Came from money, attended the right schools, ascended at an almost unprecedented rate among the barristers and politicians he kept constant company with._

_So it had been a foregone conclusion that his eventual attentions and her unparalleled ambitions would lead to a match that suited them both well. Advantageous, both for her burgeoning career and her desire to belong to that powerful echelon in due time. Julia hadn’t come from money, either, so having a partner who made that issue obsolete while providing the glossy value that wealth bestows upon those in power had proved to be most beneficial._

_Passion had never factored into the equation at all._

_Had always been, in Julia’s mind, a reckless, frivolous thing to chase; something best reserved for less serious women, desperate ones searching for false sentiments and soapy words, the ones who needed some constant reassurance of their own worth via a man hanging onto their every word, kissing their cares away, doting on them to a sickening extent. She’d never believed in realistically pursuing a partner on those saccharine terms, had never cared much for those songs or novels depicting eyes locking from across a room in sudden lust, or racing pulses, or baited breaths and heaving bodies. It had all been complete, utter nonsense, and certainly nothing Julia had ever envisioned herself succumbing to by any stretch of the imagination._

_Until now._

_The lieutenant. The low, rumbling timbre of his voice, so wonderfully foreign from her own in tone. Her nethers still sweetly sore from their lovemaking that night. Her hands still yearning for the feel of him, of his strength and solidity, the soft tendrils of his dark hair delighting her fingertips. Her eyes longing to take him in again, to dote upon his sharp, masculine profile, watch the flecks of green dance amid the vivid sky blue of his irises._

_To say nothing of his incredible mouth, which had become a religion unto itself in hardly no time at all; worthy of worship, of full-on devotion. Of prayer and supplication, of endless surrender._

_Julia had kissed other men in her past, had possessed the decently modest string of beaus that one has in their young womanhood before she and Roger had coupled off. And yet she’d never experienced what it was to be kissed in a way that briefly untethered her from reality. Robbed her senses. Frightened her, emboldened her, created a current that buzzed literally from head to toe. Every time her mouth met his, the voltage increased tenfold, the electricity of their embrace seizing her fully, arresting her entirely._

_She’d never, ever wanted anyone the way she wanted David. Ever.  
_

_The **ache** she held for him. The deep twinges of desire and sentiment, fluttering down low, stirring restlessly that night from the minute he’d shown up at the door, so imposing, so fiercely attractive. The thawing taking place right before her very eyes, the growing warmth of that uncertain yet steady gaze, that crooked smile as he’d teased her for the first time. The weight of his arm as he’d slid it carefully around her waist in the disquieting aftermath, pulling her closer as the walls eroded between them. The gentleness of their last kiss, his fingers tilting her chin up and lingering there. The way the sides of their hands had brushed earnestly against each other as they walked through the base that night, the merest whisper of a handhold in silent play._

_And yet, to what end?_

_She was in bed, lying next to her feckless husband. A female politician on the rise, finally making a name for herself. Belonging to a world that had very little to do with the dust and toil and constant dangers of military duty in Afghanistan. The lieutenant was in bed on a base far from home, serving his tour away from a family who no doubt awaited his safe and swift return. With a wife, who in all likelihood was sharing the same sleepless night with Julia, fretting over the same man, worried about his welfare._

_David had spoken so little about himself, about his home, his family. And perhaps she was merely a distraction to pass the time on base: a body to possess, an easy means with no real consequential ends. Someone all-too-willing to slip into bed with him for an hour or so and pretend, for a little while, that the unique pressures of their respective lives were nonexistent in nature._

_Perhaps she was being played._

_Perhaps, and most damningly, she was playing herself._

_Julia’s body curled beneath the sheets, coiling around these memories, these burgeoning sensations, these pressing questions. Willing them to ease with little success. Trying to steel herself against their persistence, to take her emotions out of the game entirely and return to the pragmatic, practical woman she always had been before the lieutenant found his way into her life._

_And in every single way conceivable, she was coming up woefully short._

* * *

_08:00_

_Julia found herself particularly exhausted later that morning, her spirits in low gear as she numbly made her way down the familiar corridors at the silent behest of their army escort. Roger strode beside her, lips pressed into their usual grimace, forehead creased with visible contempt._

_Their marriage had become so predictable._

_He preyed on her low moods all the time. Had veritably become a master at it. Sensed her vulnerability whenever she had her guard down and was bothered by something she couldn’t immediately solve. Sought to draw it out, to strike her when she felt weakest, because it made him feel like more of a man to best her._

_And so the morning had deteriorated quickly._

_Roger, making note of her bleary eyes with a demeaning comment. Making a lewd crack about her night with the lieutenant, alluding to her being loose and fast. Snatching the press notes she’d so carefully cultivated up from her desk and reading them aloud with increasing scorn, belittling her efforts, insisting she toss them for her own good._

_Julia always gave as good as she got. Was never going to back down from a fight once she engaged. And by the time the escort had knocked on their door that morning, she was absolutely sure the vigorous screaming match she and Roger were engaged in had been echoing down the halls for posterity, announcing their horrific sense of dysfunction to the whole of the British Army’s finest._

_That ridiculous encounter, coupled with the lost sleep over the situation with David and the upcoming stress of dining with the highest military personnel over breakfast to share their findings thus far, had Julia sucking in slow breaths to steady herself as she followed close behind their escort._

_There wasn’t a bit of time to waste. Especially not on Roger and his insatiable need to diminish her in every way, his constant, desperate attempts to put her down or thwart her progress. She had to rise above it, never let him delight in the satisfaction of having gotten to her in any capacity whatsoever._

_And whatever was going on between herself and the lieutenant obviously had to take a backseat as well. It had no place here, and her decision to cease their nights together would be conveyed later that night, when she had the space and time to properly deal with its ramifications. Julia dug deep then, squaring her shoulders and finding her focus, marshaling a sense of unshakable calm and poise as they passed through two sets of doors and walked down a corridor leading to the more formal dining quarters of the base._

* * *

_“Mr. Penhaligon, Ms. Montague! Right on time,” General Myers boomed in his distinctive baritone, rising and crossing the room to greet them the second they entered the dining hall. Julia shook his hand firmly with a smile, hearing the shuffling of chairs beyond her immediate sight as the rest of the assembly rose from their chairs._

_“Come,” he insisted gruffly, gesturing towards the table as their escort led them to their seats. Julia nodded, following close behind as she offered a congenial wave and cast a casual glance over the officers present. She caught the eye of one in particular, and nearly stopped mid-stride in total shock._

_David was there._

_Standing to the left of the generals present. Dressed more formally than she’d ever seen him, in a crisp khaki-colored shirt and belted khaki dress pants. He looked almost supernaturally handsome in the morning light coming in from the adjacent windows, glossy head of curls well-tamed and brilliant blue gaze trained soberly on her as she made her way to the chair directly across from him. Julia cast her eyes away from him purposefully and towards the generals, taking her cue to sit, studiously ignoring Roger’s glowering face in her periphery as everyone settled in._

_“I trust you’ve seen a lot of Lieutenant Budd during your trip, so surely he needs no introduction,” Myers grinned, patting the younger soldier on the shoulder. “I invited him to breakfast so we could get an idea of how he’ll handle the last leg of your visit. And if we can also manage to convince him to stay enlisted for a few more years, all the better.”_

_“Sir,” the lieutenant replied with modest amusement, smiling wide as the other generals present began to pile on affectionately, their banter easy and relaxed. Julia couldn’t help but stare, having never truly seen him smile like that before, nor witnessed him in the company of superiors who so obviously held real respect and admiration for him in many ways. David was carrying himself much differently here, the edges of his usual stern nature seemingly blunted in favor of a dynamic reminiscent of a young, favored son being doted upon by several proud father figures; respectful and subservient to a fault, yet warm and surprisingly open as they chattered amongst themselves for a few minutes more._

_Roger cleared his throat soon after plates heaping with hot breakfast had been distributed, clearly eager to redirect the attention to himself. Julia stifled the urge to roll her eyes, busying herself with placing a napkin in her lap even as she tried to suppress her peaked awareness of the lieutenant’s every expression, move, and speech. David appeared to be doing the same, adjusting his tie slightly before grasping his fork in hand, seemingly unconcerned with her as he surveyed his plate._

_“I trust that we may get down to business, gentlemen,” Roger intoned, before droning on for minutes on end about his version of events thus far on the trip. The generals nodded agreeably, interspersing questions between bites of food, occasionally asking Julia to chime in as necessary. She did a dutiful job, detailing her own progress despite feeling the weight of David’s gaze on her profile, trying to skirt gently around the political ramifications of her report so as not to stir up any animosity._

_General Parker felt no such need, however._

_Which made perfect sense. Soldiers rarely, if ever, shied away from conflict._

_“I hear you’ve been interviewing our young lieutenant over here, Ms. Montague,” he began, turning and leveling David with a raised eyebrow. “Budd’s never been shy about his politics here on base. I wonder at how you’ve been able to wrangle any sort of reasonable response out of this one.”_

_Julia cast an apprehensive glance at David, who for his part looked remarkably innocent given how nasty the tone of their initial talks had been._

_“The lieutenant’s politics differ from mine, yes,” she hedged, hating the little secret smirk that graced his features at her grievous understatement. “But he has…endeavored to express them with tact and maturity. I’ve learned a lot from speaking with him this week.”_

_“With tact? I’m surprised. We usually can’t shut him up where politics are involved. You must have the magic touch, Ms. Montague.”_

_She felt vaguely faint. “Not at all, General Parker.”_

_“Ms. Montague and I have come to an…understanding during our time together,” David explained, looking directly at her. “And in the process, I’ve learned a lot as well. Very grateful to participate in her inquiries this week.”_

_Julia didn’t know whether to blush furiously or scream aloud, so mortifying was the innuendo being casually tossed around. She settled for neither, only tilting her head slightly at David’s much-too-innocent perusal while holding desperately on to her composure. “I’ve been grateful for your willingness to share, lieutenant. Thank you for your time thus far. I know it’s valuable.”_

_“I’m sure it is,” Roger interjected, the faintest hint of steel layering his statement as he shot a subtle glare at the lieutenant before turning to her. “In fact, this interview process seems to be taking up too many of the lieutenant’s evenings. Surely you’ve inconvenienced him enough, Julia. Perhaps another perspective would serve our reports well in the long term?”_

_“She’s not finished.”_

_Roger’s head swung back at the lieutenant’s blunt declaration, the table going momentarily silent in the wake of his strongly-stated objection. David said nothing more, eyes flinty as he stared down the older politician, daring him to respond. And judging by the ruddiness rising on Roger’s cheeks, it appeared he was poised to do just that…to potentially disastrous effect._

_This had to stop. Right now._

_“Lieutenant Budd—”_

_“I’d like to present my report, Roger,” Julia interrupted as smoothly as possible under the circumstances, wishing she could reach out and slap both men out of the macho trance both of them had succumbed to. “May I, General Myers?”_

_“The floor is yours, Ms. Montague,” he ceded readily, Julia taking a deep breath of relief as David ceased his staredown and Roger muttered a curse too low to audibly detect, picking angrily at the remainder of his breakfast. Thankfully, her summary of their visit took up the rest of the dining hour, the generals once again showing great interest in her recommendations and setting up plans with David to create their upcoming schedule for the week with her findings in mind._

_“Stay seated, Penhaligon,” Parker insisted after the plates had been cleared and most of the generals were starting in on their second cups of coffee and tea. “I’ve got more questions about your ideas for blockades around the Eastern territory…”_

_Roger looked all too pleased to be singled out, nodding his assent as he signaled for a refill. “Of course, General.”_

_Julia was only too grateful not to receive an invitation to stay, wanting nothing more than to return to the room at that point, lay down, and close her eyes in complete silence. Take a nap and pretend that the entire awkward situation she now resided in was a mere figment of her imagination._

_“I’m returning to the room to rest. Catch up on some work. Thank you for your gracious invitation to breakfast.”_

_“My pleasure,” General Myers replied appreciatively. “Lieutenant Budd, would you see to it that Ms. Montague gets back to her room safely? If it’s not out of the way for you, of course.”_

_All three of them fought with difficulty not to react to the innocuously-stated request. Julia watched with her own brand of carefully-feigned calm as David’s brows raised the slightest degree, observed Roger startle out of the corner of her eye as he frowned subtly at the general. None of them were catching a break that morning, that was certain._

_“No problem, sir.” The lieutenant rose dutifully, nodding and gesturing for her to lead the way. “Ma’am.”_

* * *

_Their walk back to her room was entirely silent._

_But then again, Julia had never needed words in order to be painfully aware of the lieutenant’s presence._

_They passed beneath the alcove of the mess hall, made a right onto the pathway that cut through the deserted training yard. A polite distance rested between their bodies as they walked side by side in the humid morning. She heard the squeak of his shining leather shoes with each step, surreptitiously stole a gaze at his profile as he looked straight ahead. He’d donned his uniform beret, the cap badge of the British Armed Forces glinting in the sun, broad shoulders at ease as they made their way to the end of the path and through the double doors to the barracks corridor._

_Julia felt her anxiety increase the closer they got to her door. Wondering if now was the time to talk, to broach her overnight decision. Perhaps it was. After all, this wasn’t the secluded, dark confines of his trailer, which was his exclusive domain. This was her turf. She’d have more control here, and hopefully less inclination to do anything rash or reckless should things escalate in any way._

_The door was reached. She turned around, observing David’s grave, soldier-grade expression as he met her gaze. Not a trace of desire or need anywhere, not even a flicker of the heat she knew existed behind those impassive eyes. He was much too good at this._

_“Ma’am.”_

_A nod, a beat. And nothing more._

_“May I have a word with you, Lieutenant Budd? In private.”_

_Something changed minutely in his perusal of her, his head tilting slightly as he nodded his consent. “Yes, ma’am.”_

_Julia took a deep breath as she opened the door, walking inside and ushering him into the darkened recesses of the front hallway. No sooner had she closed the door than she felt those wonderfully warm, broad hands span her waist from behind, David nuzzling her hair aside to place the tiniest kiss at the skin beneath her lobe._

_“You were saying?”_

_This was a mistake. Oh God, this was a **mistake**._

_Julia fought against the instant zing of arousal uncoiling low in her belly, pushing his hands away gently and turning to face him square on. “David—”_

_He kissed her directly on the mouth, without any preamble whatsoever. A firm, perfect press of his lips. Pulled back, that slight smile in place as his eyes never left her mouth. “Yes?”_

_She felt the distinct urge to scream yet again, feeling her frustration and arousal rise meteorically in equal measure. Her body was not cooperating in the least with her thoughts, scrambled as they were with the lieutenant so damned close, the taste of him fresh on her lips, the warm masculine scent of him suffusing her senses._

_“We can’t…do this anymore.”_

_“Why?”_

_The reasons came to mind, fast and furious, piling up on each other as Julia stared at him with her mouth agape, attempting to sort neatly through the maelstrom with little success._

_\---Because I’m married. Because you’re married. Because this wasn’t supposed to happen. Because I feel utterly out of control when I’m around you. Because I’m leaving in five days and will never see you again. Because I want you too much and nothing makes sense anymore.---_

_“I…just…”_

_He kissed her again, this time lingering slowly, savoring her fully. The taste of rich tea upon his tongue sending her senses spinning into orbit._

_“Tell me what you want, Julia,” he murmured quietly, ceding control, letting her speak._

_“I need to stop seeing you.”_

_“Is that what you want?”_

_No. Not at **all**.  
_

_Julia stayed quiet. Honestly afraid to speak at that point lest her true feelings come loose. The lieutenant pressed her again, imploring her to speak. Not letting silence suffice as her enduring, final response._

_“What do you want?”_

_Her hands broke free from her tenuous control. Rising to his shoulders. Grasping them. Turning his body so that his back was pressed against the door. Her lips followed, seeking his again. And again. Her hands sliding up the firm planes of his chest, roaming the warm body beneath all the starch and cotton, one palm slipping sensually down to lower regions. David groaned aloud as she dared to touch him there, knowing she felt the swollen length of him filling her palm beneath tented khaki fabric._

_“Julia…”_

_She unbuckled his belt, unbuttoned and unzipped him. Slipped a hand beneath his boxers, felt him twitch suddenly beneath her touch._

_“Jesus…” He closed his eyes and sighed, resting his head against the door. Arched a little as she curled her fingers around his shaft, taking a firm hold, squeezing just so. His sighs escalating rapidly to quiet moans as her hand moved faster, the friction making him harder by the second._

_Roger could come back at any moment and find them. And Julia could hardly muster the strength to care anymore._

_She went down to her knees then, David staring at her wide-eyed as she pulled down his boxers and released his cock fully. “What—”_

_Julia let her tongue flick out once, teasing the head of him, seeking more as he jerked suddenly, biting his lip to keep from moaning aloud. The sound caught in his chest, a low groan that filled her ears as she stretched her lips around the girth of him and slid downward, reversing her motions as she made his cock nice and wet._

_A litany of curses fell from David’s mouth as she continued, feeling herself grow more and more aroused by the dirty words and noises he made, the licentious encouragement he was murmuring to her as she licked and sucked at his heavy shaft, tasting the salt of his cum adorning her tongue, loving the way his flesh grew more turgid and flushed with blood the longer she continued with her delicious torture._

_“Yes, love…just like that…fuck, Julia,” he breathed, tangling his fingers gently in her curls, eyes slipping closed and the color high on his cheeks as she felt his hips suddenly go taut beneath her hand. Julia felt undeniably powerful as she watched the lieutenant take a sharp intake of breath, obviously trying not to come, heedless of the abandonment of her task as she rose swiftly, knowing they had very little time to spare._

_She reached beneath her skirt, hiked it up to her waist. Slipped her panties off in one motion. Kissed David hard as she flipped their positions, wrapping a thigh around his waist without delay.  
_

_“C’mon,” she urged in that deep, sultry tone. He needed no further urging, coaxing her other thigh around his waist and lifting her even higher as he slid inside with one sure thrust, finding her so slick and ready for him that he effortlessly set a quick, luscious rhythm that had Julia gasping for air in seconds._

_It felt so good. So unbearably good. So fucking **perfect**. _

_The way David pounded into her, his hips angled to glide against her mons with each thrust, hitting all the wonderful nerve endings that made her tingle and throb, that made her clit swell and her toes curl and her eyes roll back. Julia felt dizzy, drunk with sexual bliss, wanting nothing more than to throw her head back and scream her pleasure into the heavens, give voice to her raucous ecstasy in such a way that Roger couldn’t help but hear it several buildings away._

_Fuck. There was no way in hell she was letting this go._

_She came first, stifling her sharp cry into the lieutenant’s sweaty neck as her body came apart abruptly, gasping hard as she felt him surge and explode within her a second later, the both of them clinging hard to each other in the wake of coming so closely together. David held her up entirely, letting her feel utterly weightless in his arms as he panted vigorously against her cheek. She could feel the wild, erratic throb of his heartbeat, his chest pressed tightly against hers for long seconds before they both regained themselves, came back to their senses, put their clothes back in order._

_The lieutenant composed himself fully before slipping outside, promising to send tonight’s escort. Stole one last, slow kiss before disappearing down the corridor and back into the sunlit morning._

_And Julia slipped into the bathroom to freshen up. Caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror, hair tousled and eyes gleaming, face still flushed with a glow that looked practically ethereal in the vanity light even as the room door opened minutes later, announcing Roger’s return._

_She stayed put, smiling to herself. Reapplied her lipstick, choosing a much bolder color than before._

_Straightened her skirt and departed the bathroom, slipping her customary mask back in place._

_Betraying absolutely nothing._

_She was becoming good at it, too._

* * *

_20:45_

_Their lovemaking had been slow and sweet later that evening.  
_

_Julia found herself in the lieutenant’s arms, feeling surprisingly comfortable there. Her head against his chest, her body curled against his side, an errant leg flung over his two. She was listening to him talk at length, which was new for them, seeing as how David was initially resistant to any questions about his personal life._

_He’d been on the phone with his daughter when she arrived. His voice soft and gentle as he asked her about primary school, about her teacher and friends. Asked her whether or not she’d received the special gifts he’d sent to her, his smile widening as Julia heard her little squeals of joy over the line. The different dimensions of him were endlessly fascinating to discover, and Julia felt her heart constrict as he said his goodbyes to his ‘Ella Bella’, his tone faltering as he grew increasingly emotional._

_“I can come back another time,” she’d whispered as he put the phone away, reaching for her immediately. He held her around the waist for long moments, burying his head in her midsection as she felt him trembling, tears pooling in his eyes as he pulled away and regarded her with quietly-held desperation._

_“Stay.”_

_And so she did. Made love to him with a wonderful lack of haste, being tender with him, taking her time. Riding him slowly as he held her and rained kisses upon her breastbone, pulling her down against his torso before kissing her passionately. They’d ascended in gradual, heated degrees, orgasm dawning over their bodies with an easy, rolling tide when the time came.  
_

_And in the wake of that ease and mutual pleasure, he began to talk._

_About Ella, his sweet little girl. His boy Charlie, so chubby and chatty, two years old with his father’s stubborn nature. His trials with Vicky, with their marriage. About the awful discovery of something he’d long suspected but had confirmed once he called his own home at an odd hour unannounced, encountering the voice of his best friend over the line. Out of a need to protect Vicky from David's understandable wrath, his friend had confessed to seeing her while David was away, apologizing profusely for his fuck-up, explaining that he’d mistakenly fallen for her in his quest to help the family out while David was overseas._

_The bitterness and pain in the lieutenant’s voice was practically palpable. It was obvious the betrayal had taken a toll, a profound one he was still grappling to come to terms with._

_“I promised I wouldn’t address it until I returned home,” he muttered, sighing against her hair. “She has no idea I know. And I’d shut down entirely after finding out. Didn’t want to believe it. Fell into a hole of sorts. Didn’t want to go out like some of the guys do here, find a local girl, have a little fun.”_

_“I’m sorry, David,” Julia whispered, the pieces falling into place for her quickly, his circumstances feeling all too familiar to her. “I know what that’s like, I’m afraid. The infidelity. The sneaking around.”_

_He paused for a moment. "You mentioned you…needed this to end. That you wanted us to stop seeing each other like this.”_

_She took a breath, let it out slowly. “I did.”_

_“I would understand, Julia,” he returned quietly, eyes casting down to look at her. “I don’t think either of us expected this to happen. And you probably have a lot more to lose in the bargain.”_

_“I might.” Julia let her statement linger for a moment more, marshaling her thoughts, getting to the heart of the matter._

_“But it wouldn’t matter if I lost the chance to be here. With you.”_

_His eyes softened then as he stared at her, letting her words sink in._

_“I’m happier than I’ve been in years, David,” she whispered honestly, baring her truth, admitting it to herself just as much as she was to him in that instant. “Right here. In your arms.”_

_The lieutenant smiled, a genuine grin that warmed her from head to toe as he leaned down and kissed her soundly, their breath mingling in the space between as he murmured his soft, cheeky reply against her mouth.  
_

_“Likewise, ma’am.”_

* * *

_19 Oct 2013 07:30_

_Julia was alert, awake, dressed and on top of her game that morning._

_She’d veritably floated back to the room the night before. Fell asleep with that special, peculiar warmth still swirling within her from her time with David. Woke up feeling so good that she felt likely to break out into song at any moment, shattering the grim silence she and Roger had been doggedly maintaining during their mornings together._

_As it were, he’d had very little to say since awakening at six. Muttered a curt morning greeting, hardly looking her in the face._

_Something felt off, however. She felt it.  
_

_Julia cast a sideways look at him, wondering why *he* looked more smug than usual. Satisfied. Like he was hiding something._

_And the sudden knock at the door soon offered an explanation Julia wasn’t ready for. At all._

_“Summons, ma’am.”_

_She rose in alarm, walking to the door. Noticing that Roger hardly moved, didn’t turn his head at all. Almost as if he’d expected this strange intrusion at that unusual hour._

_Julia opened the door._

_“I beg your pardon? I believe you have the wrong room.”_

_“No, ma’am. There’s been a misconduct allegation filed against Lieutenant David Budd. He’s been suspended from service until further notice pending inquiry. Your presence is requested in General Myers’ office at 09:00 hours this morning as part of the investigation.”_

_“Excuse me?”_

_“Ma’am, here is your summons. Your escort will be here at 08:45. Thank you.”_

_Julia felt the world swaying suddenly, unable to form words as the enormity of what just happened washed over her in one fell, sickening wave. She closed the door in abject shock, still in disbelief, the slip of paper in her hands feeling like it weighed a ton._

_She crossed the room slowly, took a seat at the edge of the bed. Stunned into absolute silence._

_Hardly noticing the way Roger’s lips curved into a small, nasty smirk, the sound of his typing filling the tense, quiet air of the room._

_He continued without missing a beat, never once looking up from his work._


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, folks. We stand at eight chapters now. Two more, plus an epilogue to come thereafter. All my run-on sentences and commas are entirely intentional. ;)  
> Thanks for reading; please enjoy.  
> -C.

* * *

_19 Oct 2013 09:00_

_A pair of grave, watery brown eyes peered at her from over the tops of thick-rimmed glasses._

_“Thank you for agreeing to attend this informal hearing, Ms. Montague. I wish we were meeting again under better circumstances. But given the seriousness of the allegation, I felt the need to handle this as quickly as possible so that all parties involved were given the opportunity to clarify their viewpoints and move forward from there.”_

_Julia sat across from General Myers in one of the simple leather chairs opposite his position behind the desk, appraising the elder official without so much as a flicker of concern crossing her features. She was in full barrister mode already, having gotten over her shock at the turn of events in near-record time and using the time afforded to her to come up with every single defense (short of blatant dishonesty, of course) that she could employ._

_“Of course, General.”_

_Myers eyed her for a long, weighted moment. Looking for all the world as if he truly didn’t want to proceed with his line of questioning, yet visibly resolving to do so out of duty to his position._

_He sat back, squaring his shoulders. Julia did the same._

_“You’ve interviewed Lieutenant David Budd approximately how many times since your arrival here at our Helmand Province base location?_

_“Four times, sir.”_

_“At a set time and place?”_

_“Lieutenant Budd agreed to a set time of 20:00 hours, and granted me no less than 20 minutes of his time per session. We were in his designated dwelling here on base for the interviews.”_

_Myers nodded, briefly glancing down at what appeared to be a report of some sort before returning his gaze to her. His voice grew serious._

_“At any time during your interview sessions with Lieutenant Budd, did he attempt to touch you in a manner that you deemed inappropriate for any reason?”_

_Julia didn’t blink, having expected a question of this sort from the start. “No, sir.”_

_“At any time during your sessions with the lieutenant, did he ever attempt to coerce you into sexual congress in exchange for the information you sought from him?”_

_She reacted to that, fixing the general with a look bordering on complete disbelief as she considered the implications behind such a question. What, exactly, had the lieutenant been accused of?_

_“Absolutely not, sir.”_

_Myers leaned back into his chair, never once breaking eye contact. “Can you briefly describe the nature of your relationship with the lieutenant as it stands today, Ms. Montague?”_

_“I have gotten to know Lieutenant Budd better through our sessions together. He has exchanged personal information with me about himself, his service, and his life outside of the army. I have genuine respect for him as an officer and as an individual, and though our politics clearly differ, I believe he’s gained a similar appreciation and respect for me over the course of the week.”_

_“And would you classify your relationship and comportment with Lieutenant Budd thus far as entirely professional?”_

_Julia inhaled slightly, only exhaling once she had a fitting response. “Our interactions have become more personal over time due to the nature of the lieutenant’s private disclosures.”_

_There. No dishonesty. No confessions on her part that could incriminate David unnecessarily, if indeed he’d chosen not to disclose the true nature of their encounters._

_And yet she instinctively knew that there was so much more to all of this. It was all in the general’s expression, his posture, the clipped nature of his questions. The tension that hung ominously in the air. Myers obviously knew more than he was willing to let on…but thus far, he hadn’t presented proof. And until he did, Julia was content to play hardball, to play her cards close to the vest until she had no other choice._

_Myers stared at her for a second more, saying nothing else. Scrutinizing her face. Julia remained composed under his regard, never once sacrificing her poise even as she felt her pulse rise subtly at the intensity of the situation.  
_

_Waiting._

_The general finally broke off their little display of wills, looking to his right at nothing in particular. Sighed. Pushed his chair back before rising slowly to his feet and walking over to stand on her side of the desk, resting a hip against its corner. He turned back to her then, the merest note of fondness gracing the depths of his eyes._

_“Do you know why I admire the lieutenant so much, Ms. Montague?”_

_Julia shrugged, unsure where this was going. “He’s an honorable man, General Myers.”_

_He nodded. “Indeed, ma'am. Honorable. Respectable. Passionate, to a fault at times. Honest. He’s got integrity. A clean record, after nine years of service. Truly a good man. There are only a handful of soldiers I’d truly consider elite in my 35 years of service, and Lieutenant Budd is certainly among that handful. I love him like a son, you see.”_

_She listened intently, still giving nothing away, taking in his words with an agreeable nod. “Of course, sir. Your good regard of the lieutenant has been made quite clear.”_

_He shook his head, taking a deep breath before continuing on. “Of course, he is only a man at the end of the day. Like any other. With a man’s weaknesses and a soldier’s duties. Putting on the uniform, arming ourselves, going out there and risking our lives in a brutal, unforgiving landscape. Tomorrow is never promised. Seeing your friends and family again is hardly a guarantee from one day to the next. It’s hard work, dangerous work. A lonely, difficult life, with no certainties to rely on. And this can make soldiers desperate for connection of any sort, Ms. Montague. However ill-advised or troublesome it may be to secure.”_

_Julia couldn’t look away, beginning to guess at the underlying message behind the general’s words. Starting to wonder just how much he really knew before she’d taken her seat. “I see.”_

_Myers pursed his lips. Nodded again. Got straight to the heart of it without any further delay._

_“I want you to know that Lieutenant Budd has already disclosed his account of your time together during his hearing earlier this morning, Ms. Montague. Admitted to engaging in relations of a sexual nature during your sessions. Given a full account of his actions, which soundly fall under misconduct of the highest stature, and taken full responsibility for his poor judgment in the matter. He maintains that all of the activities you were engaged in were entirely consensual, that there was no coercion or force used, despite the allegation that your husband set forth involving the use of both as it pertained to your involvement. Do you concur with the lieutenant’s assessment of your participation in these encounters?”_

_Julia felt her lungs seize abruptly, caught entirely off-guard by David’s full confession, but truly floored at the heinous lengths Roger had apparently gone to in order to incriminate the lieutenant. Coercion? Force!?_

_“What did Roger allege, General Myers?” she questioned in a furious tone, shoving aside his question for the moment as her anger began to reach disturbing heights in record time. “I feel I’m entitled to a full explanation of these incredibly ludicrous allegations.”_

_“You’re entitled to my questions at the moment, Ms. Montague. Nothing more,” he said firmly, taking control of the conversation. “Do you concur with Lieutenant Budd’s statement? Were you involved in several consensual encounters with him while here on base conducting official business?”_

_“Yes,” she answered shortly, peeved at the denial of her request, her face suffused with heat from the knowledge that the general knew all the intimate details of their affair. “Everything the lieutenant confessed was true. He never, ever used coercion, nor abused the use of force in any way during our encounters.”_

_“Did any of these encounters take place inside your assigned room, Ms. Montague?”_

_Julia hesitated again, pushing down enormous reserves of guilt and mortification as she held the general’s gaze steadily. “Yes. One.”_

_“One.”_

_“Consensual. I invited the lieutenant in. There was no force or coercion. Ever.” She felt the need to make that abundantly clear, fixing Myers with a reaffirming look. “Anything to the contrary is entirely false, and is likely the result of ulterior motive.”_

_“Penhaligon’s allegations, be they false or inaccurate, obviously held merit. There was inappropriate contact between yourself and the lieutenant. He entered your room and remained there for a significant period of time. Far longer than any military escort ever would or should, as our surveillance cameras corroborated. A small article of the lieutenant’s uniform was found on the floor of your room. Penhaligon presented this, along with his personal concern as your husband that you were susceptible to the lieutenant’s pursuit of an inappropriate relationship between the two of you. And given the evidence, however scant, we felt the need to investigate. Clear the air.”_

_“Consider it cleared,” Julia bit out, so angry at Roger in that moment that she could veritably explode, trying to contain herself as she sat rigidly upright, impatient for this hearing to conclude so that she could handle the inevitable fallout._

_General Myers exhaled tiredly, rubbing his forehead as he pushed himself off the corner of the desk and slowly made his way back to his chair. The elder man sat down with a heaviness that spoke of years of well-earned exhaustion, clasping his hands and leaning forward as he began to speak again in a resigned tone._

_“This is clearly a personal matter, Ms. Montague. One that yourself and Mr. Penhaligon will no doubt sort out between yourselves in private. Not one that I’m inclined to continue spending valuable time and resources on. There was obvious misconduct on the part of Lieutenant Budd, who knows better and acted in a manner unbefitting of a soldier in ANY regiment, especially mine. However,” he relented, “since his record is clean, and his honesty in admitting to your affair was corroborated by your account, I’m compelled to be a lot more lenient in this case.”_

_“What will happen to the lieutenant?” she questioned, encouraged by the indication of a lesser sentence for the misconduct charge yet still concerned for David. Julia knew from experience that military law usually had its own jurisdiction, and tended to be harsher than most with its distribution of punishment._

_“Lieutenant Budd has agreed to a probationary period of 90 days. A temporary loss of his leave privileges. Extra duties as I see fit to assign them. He remains as the head of your security and escort team for the duration of your visit, but he is not to have any personal or private contact with you in any form, Ms. Montague, be it verbal, physical, or otherwise. And you are not to initiate any such contact with the lieutenant. Failure to adhere to these restrictions will absolutely result in much harsher consequences for him. A dishonorable discharge from the British Armed Forces would certainly be in play at that point.”_

_He paused meaningfully, looking at her. The faintest amount of sympathy softening his expression._

_“If you care about him, to the degree that I suspect you do, you’ll leave him alone, Ms. Montague. Let the lieutenant carry out his duties. Remain a good soldier. Hopefully get out of here alive with something to show for his sacrifices. And forget whatever existed between the two of you. Move on. I think we both know it’s in the best interests of everyone involved.”_

_Her throat felt unbearably tight. “Understood, sir.”_

_General Myers nodded. “This will remain confidential, Ms. Montague. My office will consider the matter sealed. The allegation and its findings will never become a matter of public record. I trust that such an arrangement is of great benefit to you.”_

_“It is. Thank you, General.”_

_He dismissed her then, waving her off with a raise of his hand as he returned to other, more pressing matters during the course of the morning._

_And Julia emerged into disorienting sunlight, every single one of her emotions at a riotous impasse, barely feeling the ground beneath her feet as the soldier awaiting her return stood immediately to attention and began the short walk back to the room._

* * *

_22 Oct 2013  
_

_Thus, three long, miserable days passed in succession._

_Three long days of wanting nothing more than to cut ties with Roger then and there. Return to London in a cloak of silence, pretending he simply hadn’t existed in the first place. Leave him stranded in the middle of a war-torn desert with nothing but his underwear and briefcase, pleading for mercy and finding very little._

_Julia didn’t want to so much as look at him. Touch him. Talk to him. Work alongside him in any capacity. Sleep in the same goddamn bed as that bloody cretin. Her ears still rang from the shrill volume and voracity of their argument the minute she’d re-entered the room after the hearing, reaming him out fully with every single lurid curse word she could think of as he was all-too-happy to return the favor._

_“You fuck some random, worthless soldier in OUR room. In broad daylight. Traipsing to his trailer nightly in a tight skirt like some hard-up tart looking to screw,” he’d sneered nastily, Julia holding back every impulse to deck him. “But of course, **I’m** the problem here. Even after I saved your arse by doing the right thing. Putting an end to this little bullshit schoolgirl crush you’ve got on the lieutenant that threatened to sink us both if you were properly caught. Your lack of gratitude is astounding.”_

_In the end, she *did* deck him.  
_

_Her dear, late Uncle Philip hadn’t taught her how to throw a good punch for no reason, after all. She only wished she'd drawn more blood in the process.  
_

_So Roger had that coming, and then some. Julia was nothing if not a woman of preparation, of decisive action. And later that day, soon after lunch had concluded, she’d placed a call back to an attorney pal in London that should’ve been made ages ago._

_True to form, said friend literally broke into applause as Julia calmly laid out exactly what she needed in place by the time she touched back down at Heathrow in three days' time._

_Legal separation and divorce papers. A team of attorneys in place, good ones to counter whatever bollocks Roger threw her way. They both knew the law inside and out, had it practically coursing through their veins, so this could potentially be a long, nasty process. There were prenuptials in place to comb through, assets to divide, financials to untangle carefully and put into proper separate accounts._

_A flat for Julia to rent for however long it took to dissolve her marriage, regain her solitude, reclaim her life. She couldn’t stand to be in his presence anymore. Needed a place entirely free of his bullshit, his baggage, the life they’d shared tenuously for five long, tumultuous years._

_And not a moment too soon._

_She’d wasted far too much time already, trying to fix what was hardly ever intact in the first place._

* * *

_So it was over at last.  
_

_More depressingly, so was any semblance of warmth, any chance contact, or any freely-held communication between herself and Lieutenant Budd._

_Since that fateful morning, Julia had been on a total of six different outings beneath his watchful eye and doggedly precise security detail. And each time, David made it crystal clear that he wanted absolutely nothing to do with her in any capacity, remote or otherwise._

_Gone were the occasional, teasing glances in his rearview mirror, watching him raising an eyebrow in playful salute as she settled into the backseat of the armored truck. The slight, subtle nudges against her person as he passed her to take the lead in patrolling the upcoming terrain. The little smirk of those lush lips she loved so much, pursing in amusement as Julia snapped back at Roger, or corrected a reporter, or blushed at an innuendo only they would respond to given their history together._

_All of those mannerisms had been replaced by this sullen, threatening presence who never smiled anymore, who for all the world appeared to be grinding his teeth down to dust as he sat tensely in the front of the truck, alternating between barking out commands in a harsh tone and clenching his jaw so hard it looked ready to crack at any moment. He never took off his sunglasses, never revealed his eyes to her as he stalked from place to place with a soldier’s terse gait, demanding everyone catch up and get with the program, carry out his orders without delay, and never, ever fuck up while doing so._

_Even the soldiers beneath his command appeared to be taken aback, one easygoing cadet making the mistake of calling the lieutenant out on his foul temperament that second morning of their tour. The expletive-laden fury he’d received in return for his call-out was extreme even by military standards, David sparing the poor kid no mercy as he laid into him in full view of the assembled command, clearly making him an example for the rest of the platoon present._

_It had the desired effect, as each and every soldier had straightened up and stayed on their A-game ever since, cautiously avoiding the lieutenant's wrath as they carried out their duties. And yet Julia could hear the exhausted strain in David’s voice, see the ominous slump of his shoulders, the way he faltered when he thought nobody was watching, taking off his tactical glasses and burying his head in his hands. His silent suffering may not have registered to anyone else, but it was painfully obvious to Julia that the consequences of their fallout were taking a toll on him, too._

_She’d caught his eye during one of these faltering moments, making the mistake of holding his gaze before he could disappear beneath the shades. Noting with muted horror just how bloodshot his eyes were, the bags beneath them dark and pronounced as if he hadn’t slept well in days. He’d broken their connection off sharply, turning his head and straightening back up into full hard-ass military stance, barriers fully up and insolent, steely defensiveness back in place._

_Pushing her away._

_And more and more, Julia was beginning to feel as if she deserved it._

* * *

_Leave him alone._

_The general’s words echoed in her mind, a twinge of real, visceral pain stabbing her deep in the gut every single time she replayed them._

_Every time she imagined David, happy and content in her arms the night before the hearing. Awakening to that same damning slip of paper placed in his hand. Facing all those intrusive questions, confessing to their trysts, bearing the brunt of the consequences involved. No doubt knowing that lying would only make everything worse for the both of them._

_Losing his leave, which she knew meant breaking more promises to his children, to his family. He’d talked excitedly about being home for Ella’s birthday party next month, and Julia now knew that doing so was an impossibility, that the probation had taken away his leave, which meant missing yet another birthday with his precious girl._

_Potentially derailing his entire military career, facing expulsion, his benefits compromised and his years of service made absolutely meaningless._

_All for a few stolen minutes of pleasure in the doorway of her room._

_Julia felt awful. Sick. Full of guilt, even though she logically knew they'd both made the choice to engage.  
_

_What made her feel guilty was that she’d known exactly what would happen the minute they closed that door behind them. Knew how much he wanted her, how much neither of them could keep their hands off each other. _

_And he’d given her an out even after they’d kissed. Leaving it up to her. Giving her every chance to shut things down. Asking her what she wanted._

_ Him _ _._

_She’d wanted him, and him alone._

_Still did, selfishly enough, even after all the dominoes had fallen and he obviously couldn't even bear to look at her anymore._

_And the knowledge that this was it as far as their connection was concerned; that the token moments they’d stolen in each other’s arms that night were the last they’d ever get to experience together, filled her with an unspeakable grief she could hardly suppress in her waking hours._

_Julia tossed. Turned. Slept in fits. Woke up bleary, dreading each day yet resolute in her need to plod through, put on a face, do her job. She went through the motions with an artifice that passed well enough for three straight days, entirely numb on the inside as reporters asked their endless questions and Roger pontificated about nothing of substance, as the hot sun rose and fell heedless of all else, as she had empty conversations and gave emptier responses and ate meals that tasted exactly like the dust encrusting every surface of that godforsaken base in Helmand._

_David’s account in her reports had indeed been replaced, his name scrubbed out of existence in an attempt to avoid any remote possibility of a future scandal should questions arise. A ruddy, friendly Scotsman by the name of Colonel James O’Malley had bounded up to Julia the day after the hearing, offering to help in the lieutenant’s stead._

_“Aye, I’ve known that right bastard all his life,” the colonel offered with an infectious grin, his Glaswegian accent even thicker than the lieutenant’s as he chatted her up, somehow managing to put Julia at ease almost immediately. “I’m the one who hauled his arse into the military. Wanted to be a doctor, had the grades for it an’ all. But didn’t have a penny to his name. Plus, I knew he could fight. Beat up more than a few bullies for me in the name of our friendship over the years.”_

_Julia found herself snapping back to some semblance of normalcy in the presence of O’Malley, finding herself smiling for the first time in days as he relayed story after story about their friendship with a bawdy sense of humor that neatly danced on the edge of being crass._

_It was clear the colonel was willing to talk at length about pretty much anything, and she found it impossible to be down in his presence, so his introduction had been most fortuitous for many different reasons. He offered to speak with her nightly in a quiet corner of the mess hall, more than willing to make up for any lost information and fill in the gaps she needed with his own considerable military experience._

_So therein became the lone bright spot of Julia’s final days in Helmand; hunched over a corner table with a portly, redheaded Scotsman who was endlessly loquacious and had charm to spare, laughing harder than she had in years as he unspooled his experiences as a soldier in fascinating, humorous detail. Save for their initial meeting, the colonel had studiously avoided discussing his friendship with David, an omission that Julia felt equal parts relief and regret over._

_What good would it do, anyway? she’d thought quietly during one of their sessions together, losing focus for a moment in their conversation as O’Malley got deep into another of his rambling anecdotes._

_She’d done enough. They’d had their time together._

_And it was much too risky to even entertain the thought of seeing David again. There was far too much to lose in the bargain, especially for him._

_Still._

_The deep, gravelly voice of the general echoed again in her thoughts, pushing back immediately against the tiniest whisper of hope._

_Living in perpetuity as Julia struggled in vain to kill every last vestige of her emotions pertaining to the lieutenant, deny every single sensation the merest thought of David had seared into her body. Into her soul._

_Leave him alone._

_Move on._

* * *

_22 Oct 2013 19:45_

_The colonel came knocking for her on her last night in Helmand province, his customary sense of friendliness in place as he waited patiently by the door for her to step out into the hall and join him. Julia gathered her things listlessly, beyond exhausted in mind and spirit, offering a half-hearted greeting to O’Malley as he shut the door decisively behind them and led her out into the starlit yard._

_“I’ve got some stories to share tonight that I believe will be of most benefit to you, Ms. Montague. A few from my time in Iraq that might help shed more light on the situation here,” he explained, offering a nod here and there as they passed other officers, his footsteps remaining sure as they made a left and continued on their walk._

_“I’m sure you do,” Julia replied absently, following behind as she worried her lip with her teeth. Indifferent to their chatter yet becoming increasingly stymied as they made a right away from the mess hall and entered an unfamiliar portion of the compound._

_“Colonel?”_

_“Yes?”_

_“We appear to be headed to a different location.”_

_“We are. The mess hall has been overrun for the evening, I’m afraid. A group of cadets celebrating a birthday tonight. I figured you’d want someplace a little less rowdy to chat.”_

_“I would. Much appreciated,” she returned slowly, nonetheless feeling a sense of unease creep into her as they made yet another left and continued on. The light and din of the main base hub grew more distant the farther they walked, the hastily-constructed barracks on this end of the compound largely deserted, a little less well-lit than the others. Her instincts went on high alert as she eyed the colonel suspiciously, noting that his genial expression remained utterly unchanged._

_He wasn’t armed. His body language truly didn’t suggest tension or apprehension of any sort. Nor was he particularly doing anything out of the ordinary…except leading her alone to the distant outskirts of a base she’d hardly committed to memory._

_And as far as Julia was concerned, that last aspect was more than enough to sound the alarm._

_“Colonel, this is far enough. I’d prefer it if we returned to the main base,” she commanded, making her voice firm and strong, ensuring it didn’t waver in the least._

_“Ms. Montague, we’re almost there.”_

_Julia stopped walking entirely, suspecting something foul in play. Folded her arms. Shook her head and stared at him with an iron gaze, unwilling to yield, to take another step in the direction they were heading._

_“I’ve made it clear. I wish to be escorted back to my room, colonel. Right now. We’ll call off the last interview. Your time has been appreciated, sir,” she said in a low, cold tone that suggested in every single way that she was the last woman in the world he truly wanted to fuck with._

_The colonel stopped, turning to her. Julia fully expected an impatient glance, an arrogant twist of the mouth. A sneer indicative of his contempt for her willingness to stand up to him. Perhaps even a more physical reaction, something that would betray intentions that were far less friendly than he’d been projecting thus far._

_Instead, he did the strangest thing._

_He smiled at her._

_Widely._

_Shaking his head, clearly amused by her statement even as she narrowed her eyes at his unusual reaction._

_“I’m beginning to see why he likes you so much, Ms. Montague.”_

_What the hell?_

_She stood there slack-jawed, confounded in every single sense of the word by his response as O’Malley grinned, turning away from her and walking a few more paces down to a non-descript white door that looked exactly like all the others._

_He knocked once, then twice more._

_The door opened, a dim shard of light spilling out onto the walkway._

_“She’s as stubborn as you are. Refuses to take another step,” the colonel muttered with a jocular air, talking to the unseen figure who’d answered the door._

_Julia’s eyes widened at the familiar tenor of the voice muttering back. Her heart stopping dead in her chest as the realization of what was actually happening hit her soundly._

_**No.** _

_It couldn’t be._

_A hooded figure emerged from the recesses of the room. Stepping quietly over the threshold and into the moonlit night. Revealed his face to her astonished gaze._

_David._

_Beautiful eyes gleaming faintly in the dark. Holding out his hand for her to take._

_Julia stepped closer as if in a trance. Took his hand without a word. Felt the warmth and sureness of it, the strength of his palm as he squeezed hers tightly. Holding on._

_“Thirty minutes,” the colonel reminded him with a whisper, disappearing past them and back down the walkway._

_The lieutenant nodded, never breaking his gaze with her._

_Leading her into the room quietly._

_Shutting the door behind them._

* * *

_Time became irrelevant._

_Meaningless._

_Without merit or importance or stature of any sort._

_Their bodies setting the tempo and rhythm, the cadence and pulse._

_Mouths crushing together tightly. Air disappearing at once, the need for it suddenly secondary as their desperation won out over all else in demand._

_Julia felt as if she were drowning, helpless against the undertow of her own desires, seeking David with an urgency bordering on madness, her lips drawing his out, her hands yanking at his clothes, needing to touch him, to make sure he was real and here and warm and pliant beneath questing fingers passing over rippling hard flesh and muscle._

_He too was drunk with her; with the delight of her mouth, the sensual violence of their tongues in play, entwining endlessly as her jacket was tossed and her blouse disappeared and her bra was quickly dispensed with, as the light barrier of her trousers was rendered nonexistent and her lush, pale nude body at last pressed against the full, naked length of his._

_As they rolled and tossed, caressed and fondled and palmed and tickled the secret places, dragged hot lips across soft skin, tongues darting out to recall in heated earnest the sweetness of a taut nipple, the rough warm angles of a jaw dusted with stubble, the perfumed curve of a breast, the tang of sweat adorning the defined, flexing muscles of an abdomen._

_She lost their last tussle on purpose, lying prone beneath him, spread beneath the delicious hot weight of him, letting herself be pressed into the thin mattress as he anointed her shoulders with kiss after wet, decadent kiss, moving lower and slower, each notch of her spine receiving the same lavish attention right down to the dimples above her bottom. He rose back up shortly, nestling his full, rigid cock with a gentle persistence between her thighs, letting her rub sinuously against him as two tapered fingers snuck down and nuzzled their way inside of her._

_Julia arched, pushed back, parted her thighs, hungry and eager and bucking into the tantalizing feel of his skilled hand coaxing her open, delving rhythmically into the slick heat of her sex, sliding sensually against her clit, his breath harsh against her neck as she responded to him in wanton fashion, dragging each syllable of his name out in a sultry, breathless whisper._

_David braced himself over her back, entwining her fingers in his and pressing their hands down into the sheets as he pushed himself in slowly, lips soothing and warm at her nape as she exhaled deeply, loving the way her body accommodated his, delighting in the tickle of his chest hair against her back as he began to rock against her with shallow thrusts, hips tight against hers as he worked his way deeper, changing the angle of his penetration, her cries and moans increasing in volume and intensity as he hit every single spot deep within, lighting her up, setting her aflame._

_He tucked his cheek next to hers, bowing his chin against her shoulder, holding her down fully as his thrusts became harder, faster, more frenzied. His groans growing more pronounced, her moans creating a lusty chorus as they moved together in delirious concert, desperate to find release in each other’s arms. Julia felt herself give, felt herself fracture in seismic surrender beneath him, every sense engulfed with pleasure as the terrific gush of her arousal flowed forth in endless, throbbing currents of ecstasy. David’s voice caught on the edge of her name as he came, pulling out of her suddenly, the warm spurt of his seed coating her inner thighs as he gasped and shook and gathered her close to his chest, holding on tightly._

_Unwilling to let her go._

_Long moments passing in utter silence._

_Neither of them willing to move, to speak._

_To acknowledge reality._

_To say goodbye, once and for all, and let this go._

_Let it fade into memory. Succumb to the inevitability of time, of distance._

_Of separate lives, breathing in tandem for just a brief flash of eternity._

_Julia felt him shudder against her back. Felt him trying to hold it all in and failing miserably._

_Just as she was._

_His tears, wet and hot against her cheek. Mingling with her own as they fell freely down her face._

_The soft sound of her sobs, muffled by the pillow._

_His quiet gasps, buried into the curve of her neck._

_Their hands still entwined. Heartbeats in tandem._

_And when the time came, when the knock sounded and the tears dried and the clothes were slowly shrugged into, they were strong for each other._

_Sharing one last, slow kiss goodbye._

_Holding on until they simply couldn’t anymore._

_David's peerless eyes, bright and shining with the tears he fought not to shed as he finally let go._

_His tormented gaze boring deeply into hers as she disappeared through the threshold and into the dark of the night._

* * *


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all of your feedback! Please enjoy.  
> -C.

_23 Oct 2013 12:00_

_Bags packed, final meeting complete, all manifests and travel schedules confirmed._

_Julia and Roger were slated to leave the base at precisely 12:15 and endure a relatively brief, painless journey over fewer than 5 kilometers of desert terrain before ending their journey precisely where it’d began: at the helicopter launchpad, where they would then be whisked away by flight personnel to Bost Airport and transferred to a chartered private jet headed straight for Heathrow._

_Their time in Helmand was finally coming to an end._

* * *

_The day had been relatively calm up until that point, a feat for which Julia held no small amount of gratitude. The tumult of the past few days, coupled with the lingering emotional stupor of last night’s farewell with David, had her feeling well and truly exhausted beyond words._

_Rung out. Depleted._

_Heartsick, if she were entirely honest with herself._

_She’d returned within the hour after their encounter last night, thankful that she and Roger were decidedly NOT on speaking terms so that she didn’t have to answer for the puffiness of her eyes, nor the glassiness of her gaze. Didn’t have to explain the second crying jag she'd endured in the shower as the full effect of all that had transpired in less than 10 days finally came crashing down; all the terrible, wonderful, unbelievable things she’d seen and felt and experienced on a level heretofore unknown to her before Helmand happened._

_Before a young, brooding lieutenant with steely blue eyes caught her attention. Made her seriously question everything she’d ever truly desired in her life._

_The thought of leaving him behind was simply too devastating to consider._

_So Julia deftly skirted around it. Compartmentalized as much as possible. Ignored it entirely for the time being as she busied herself with checking to ensure her bags were in order, completing one last sweep of the room before joining the army escorts in the hall and receiving the final details of their departure. Roger hefted his cases, closing the door behind him, and they all made their way down the corridor and through the yard for the final time._

_“Good weather today,” one of the soldiers remarked genially; sure enough, there was a bit of a breeze taking the edge off the heat and offering meager relief as they trudged through heavily secured gates to the departure bay. The sky was a brilliant, perfect blue, not a cloud in sight as the sun shone warmly upon Julia’s shoulders. Their escort group was in an exceptionally good mood, making small talk as the waiting travel entourage came into view, the usual standard line of three armored trucks flanked in front and behind by field artillery vehicles lined up and ready to receive them._

_“We hope you enjoyed your stay at Helmand Hotels,” another soldier grinned, Julia offering a small, amused smile in response as he held out his hand for her case._

_“Oh no, this goes with me,” she explained, patting the soft leather surface and giving a little wink. “State secrets.”_

_“Fair enough,” he returned agreeably, casual smile fading fast as he suddenly stood straighter, turning and saluting a superior officer approaching from behind them. “Lieutenant.”_

_Julia felt her heart constrict painfully at the mention of him, hardly wishing to turn around yet doing so out of a need to project normalcy, to appear calm and unaffected even as she felt her emotions ramp up considerably in the interim. She settled for a partial turn, putting on a face of mild interest as David reached their small party, eyes concealed behind his customary shades, expression inscrutable as usual._

_“Ms. Montague.”_

_He acknowledged her tonelessly, without any sort of noticeable favor in his demeanor. She found herself marveling, and not for the first time, at how remarkably skilled he was at keeping his true feelings so carefully concealed from view._

_It was fast becoming a ceaseless struggle for her to follow suit._

_“Lieutenant Budd.”_

_He offered a curt nod before addressing the escort crew, obviously keen on moving them out as quickly as possible._

_“Are we loaded?”_

_“Getting there, sir.”_

_“Finish it faster. Final checks complete?”_

_“Yes, sir.”_

_“Good. Moving out in 5.”_

_“Understood, sir,” the younger soldier intoned, signaling to the others behind the truck to pick up the pace as he opened Julia’s door and ushered her inside._

_“Have a safe trip, ma’am.”_

_“Thank you,” she said reflexively, settling in and glancing over the bustling scene. The lieutenant had turned away, busying himself with overseeing the rest of the preparations while Roger climbed in next to her without so much as a word nor glance, placing his case between them on the seat._

_Within minutes the signals to depart were given by all involved. David got in at the very last minute, conferring with the driver briefly before giving the command over the radio to begin their short, routine trek._

* * *

_The ride had been largely uneventful thus far._

_All of the existing undercurrents that were passing between the three of them managed to remain on low simmer that afternoon, and Julia considered their lack of drama a true blessing, praying for its relative permanence. She simply didn’t have the reserves to deal with anything else, all too happy to content herself with sitting and staring absently out of the tiny window at the drab, never-ending beige scenery rushing by._

_She and Roger had maintained their sullen, monastic silence, the bruise high on his cheek finally beginning to fade. The lieutenant had remained resolutely focused as was his usual purview, intently surveying the upcoming terrain and occasionally communicating with his team over the radio as the vehicles snaked their way through the desert at a decent clip._

_Otherwise, the cabin of their truck remained blessedly quiet._

_And in the midst of all that quiet; in the middle of being lulled by the hum of the engine and the golden horizon maintaining its flat, generous sprawl across her line of sight, Julia’s mind wandered back to the night before._

_Wondering if it was real or imagined, so heightened were her memories of it all._

_She still felt his touch, felt his hands everywhere, echoes of his caresses still warming her skin._

_Heard him sighing against her back, blessing the soft space between her shoulder blades with softer kisses. The sight of him, all power and brawn and masculine beauty, bared to her hungry gaze as he stretched beneath her, long muscled legs tangling sensually with her own._

_Relished the memory of lying beneath him; pinned by his weight, their bodies lost in coital passion, their intimacy so raw and visceral and real that Julia felt herself shiver at the mere recollection of it all._

_It was as if they were connected by some strange, unseen alchemy, David choosing that precise moment to turn his head towards the rear-view mirror. His shades still in place, eyes shielded from view so that anyone else in her seat could honestly believe his gaze lay elsewhere._

_But just as she had on that very first day, Julia knew better._

_Knew, beyond all plausible doubt, that he was watching her._

_She didn’t look away._

_Neither did he._

_And Julia watched as David lowered his frames slowly, revealing eyes still steadily trained on hers. Gave her a quick wink that made her breath catch, her heart flutter for a split second. Let his lips curl faintly as he maintained their connection, the dimple she’d made sure to kiss the night before emerging at the corner of his perfect mouth._

_He replaced his shades less than a second later, that dimple disappearing as he faced forward once more, rearranging his features into their standard military grimace and sharing a quiet word with the driver to his right._

_And she was left to retreat back into her own thoughts, pulse racing a little faster than before, warmed from the inside out as they continued on their way._

* * *

_12:30_

_It was only when they reached their checkpoint less than a kilometer from Bost and stalled there for longer than expected that Julia stirred again, shaken out of reverie by the increasing agitation of the lieutenant’s demeanor._

_“What’s going on?” David requested tightly, demanding a status update from the lead artillery vehicle. The crackling static of the return transmission was practically unintelligible, Julia feeling her stress level increase unwittingly as the other soldiers in their vehicle muttered in concerned tones._

_“Someone’s scrambling our signals,” intoned the soldier driving their truck, stating it with a grim, quiet certainty that David appeared to echo, eyes narrowed and brow furrowed with stress as the tension in the cabin seemed to increase by the second._

_What does that mean? Julia wondered, looking to Roger in confusion and growing alarm. Roger shrugged, his own concern now beginning to manifest and his natural, demanding arrogance also managing to emerge at the worst possible time._

_“What’s going on, Lieutenant?” he asked sharply in a snappish tone that suggested he wanted an immediate response. David, who appeared to be literally in the midst of coordinating a response plan with the other vehicle crews, waved him off irritably, signaling to the driver to answer._

_“Just a minor delay at the checkpoint up ahead, sir,” the soldier replied calmly, turning to address them both. “We should get moving so—”_

_The chilling, unforgettable sound of gunfire suddenly cracked the air, Julia hardly having a chance to react before she felt forceful hands on her shoulders, pushing her down to the floor._

_“Get down! Everybody get down now!” David screamed, ducking as a spray of bullets slammed into the truck’s exterior, their metallic impact deafening as Julia covered her ears tightly and closed her eyes, terrified out of her mind, breath coming fast and heartbeat gone into sudden overdrive as the gunfire ricocheted loudly in every direction._

_She faintly heard the lieutenant yelling commands, ordering their artillery vehicles to mobilize and source out the ambush, cursing loudly as a large boom sounded from outside of their vehicle and caused the ground beneath them to rumble ominously._

_“Shit! I don’t have eyes! Radio in now, give me visual!”_

_“First artillery’s taken out, lieutenant!” an answering voice screeched back, to which David cursed again, issuing quick orders in rapid-fire fashion. A short break in the gunfire against their vehicle finally allowed the soldiers some reprieve, the female soldier sitting in the row behind Julia piping up suddenly with an initiative that proved all-too-costly in the short term._

_“Permission to obtain exterior visual, lieutenant,” she spoke up sternly, opening the door and hefting her rifle before David even got the chance to respond._

_“NO—”_

_Her life was immediately taken by another spray of gunfire, blood spattering the interior of the truck, bullets striking two of the soldiers in the backseat as they scrambled to close the door, having no choice but to leave their fallen comrade behind. Julia found herself virtually unable to stop screaming, slick red coating the seat she crouched beneath, coating her shaking hands, the drops of it on her mouth metallic to the taste, her ears ringing with the sounds of continued gunfire and the loud groans of the injured soldiers directly behind her position._

_“FUCK! Go, go! Everyone fall back to base! Patch me through to medevac! Everybody stay down!” the lieutenant bellowed. Julia felt the delirium of trauma beginning to take hold, time becoming mired in a violent haze as she numbly followed directions, remaining crouched, keeping her eyes clenched shut._

* * *

_She felt the truck lurch to a stop after a while, daring to peer up for a split second as doors opened and medics rushed the injured soldiers out. Julia heard the driver pleading with David, catching bits and pieces of their rushed, harried conversation._

_“I can get them there!”_

_“By yourself? It’s too dangerous! Too many IED’s, lieutenant!”_

_“I know the terrain, can find a better way! Stay and help them,” he was imploring the younger man, already shoving him out towards the waiting medical team and sliding over to the driver’s seat. “Radio back to me and let me know their status. Rendezvous at base. Go!”_

_The protests stopped as the door was shut quickly, David commandeering the vehicle in short order. Julia stifled the sob threatening to emerge from deep within, willing her body to stop shaking with little success. Watched David in profile with wide, frightened eyes as he threw the truck into gear, jaw clenched and determination fierce in his eyes as he pressed the pedal and they lurched back into motion._

_"You two alright?"_

_She and Roger assured him they were, in voices tight with unparalleled fear._

_“Stay down! Hold on!”_

_She ducked down and held on for dear life as David tore through the desert like a madman, the truck lurching wildly in response to his desperate maneuvering over the sandy terrain. He’d completely abandoned the road, headed deliberately off-course as he yelled rapid-fire coordinates into his radio, receiving directives on the fly and requesting guidance to an alternate location for pick-up._

_“Two civilians, no medevac needed, confirm rendezvous coordinates STAT,” the lieutenant shouted, skidding hard into a turn and nearly causing Julia to lose her hold. Roger did lose his, shrieking in pain as his body slammed against the door with ruthless force. She held out her hand to him, her palm slippery with blood as he struggled in vain to grasp it._

_“Almost there, just hold on! You’ll be alright, you’re gonna make it!”_

_Roger steadied himself again as he took her hand, breathing hard and face flushed with fear, the terror practically palpable in his eyes. Julia, too, couldn’t seem to catch her breath, gasping and dizzy from sheer panic, her heart wedged tightly in her throat as she dared to raise her head in the midst of the mayhem, willing to take in David’s calming words, watching his strong hands wrench the wheel into position, shift the gears, toggle coordinates and gauges with a rapid sense of assurance, his wide, alert eyes hardly ever leaving the road ahead of them as he scanned the sands for more IEDs, combing their surroundings to rule out the presence of snipers._

_Despite her terror, she felt an unexpected sense of calm coming to surprising fruition in that moment; the violent maelstrom of her mind lessening by several degrees simply by watching him work, hearing him speak, bearing witnessing to his competence and bravery as he steered them away from harm._

_Protecting them, supporting them, keeping them alive with everything he possessed as a man and a soldier, fighting to seek safe passage for them through this violent, unforgiving land._

_“It’s within sight! Just another minute,” he declared, flooring it, the engine roaring to a deafening level, the entire truck shaking like mad as it labored and strained to meet the overwhelming demands of its driver. Julia closed her eyes tightly, a hand clenched on the door and another holding on to Roger as she prayed to every God she knew that this was it, that he’d really gotten them out and alive and intact, that there was truly a chopper waiting for them that would get them all back safe and sound._

_David downshifted suddenly, the truck slowing down as she heard him announce their approach over the radio to whomever awaited them, relief evident in his voice as he detailed his status and requested confirmation to complete their transfer. One last turn, a couple more downshifts, and the engine powered down to a muted hum as Julia opened her eyes in time to see the lieutenant open his door and hastily depart._

_The door she’d practically broken her hands holding onto was wrenched open in seconds, Julia reflexively pulling back and scrambling to regain her balance on the floor of the backseat. Brightness assaulted her fiercely, making her temporarily blind as she squinted against the abrupt intrusion of light. She was still scared out of her mind, disoriented to a staggering degree, her stomach roiling and threatening to spill its meager contents sooner rather than later._

_“C’mon.”_

_That deep, calming voice._

_David, holding out his hands to her. Waiting patiently._

_Concerned blue eyes peering into her own, pupils noticeably dilated with adrenaline even as he softly implored her to emerge. The lieutenant grasped her hands with an uncommon tenderness once she dared to reach out to him, guided her out of the truck as gently as if she were made of porcelain._

_He allowed Julia to hold onto him to ground herself, took on the task of supporting her frame as it shook with tremors she was helpless to control. Allowed her to look deeply into his eyes, to trust him that it really was all okay._

_That she was safe._

_Julia exhaled slowly, feeling her heartbeat finally grow calm._

_Never looking away._

_Staring into that deep, beautiful expanse of blue. Willing to get lost in it one last time._

_\--Thank you.--_

_She said it without words, without movement or outward gestures of any sort. Feeling herself well up as she watched David nod, saw his lip quiver subtly as he accepted her silent praise, his own eyes becoming glassy as he turned abruptly toward the awaiting chopper, holding her hand as they swiftly crossed the short distance together._

_“Ma’am, we’ve got you, you’re safe now!”_

_Other hands reached for her, placed a blanket around her shoulders, rushing her toward the cabin as they prepared for lift-off. The commotion was deafening as soldiers shouted back and forth, the deep, repetitive thud of the chopper blades and the crackle of radio static adding to the audible chaos, a soldier clasping her arm insistently and forcing her into the waiting cabin of the helicopter.  
_

_Julia held on until the last possible moment._

_And so did David._

_His hand, squeezing hers. His eyes, still moist with tears, the reserves of warmth and comfort in them rendering Julia absolutely mute with sorrow. David tilted his head slightly, that tiny smile she loved twisted with a mirrored sense of sadness as he caressed her wrist gently with his thumb._

_\--It’ll be okay.--_

_He nodded at her again. Squeezed her hand once more._

_And let her go._

* * *

_Funny, how they each knew to turn away then and there, to stop delaying the inevitable any longer._

_To cut ties visually and resist the powerful, compelling urge to watch each other retreat._

_To march across the sands with additional soldiers in tow, firmly choosing the mode and comportment of a soldier and unemotionally relaying the attack in minute detail to an attentive audience as they discussed their strategies in response to the strike._

_To settle back into the dusty, noisy confines of the helicopter, accepting warm bottled water and the hasty attentions of an army nurse before being declared fit for travel and buckled in tightly._

_Julia found herself resisting it with every fiber of her being. Stared straight ahead without comment, not meeting anyone’s eyes, finding herself grateful for the shock that still made her bones tremble and her pulse race, successfully hiding the raw pith of her emotions beneath the visible symptoms of the trauma she’d endured. The headphones she’d been given had served in helping her to a large degree, the pilot’s low, muttered speech to the control base providing an oddly soothing soundscape to the carefully blank, listless nature of her mental state._

_She didn’t even stir when she heard David’s distinctive voice come over the radio to alert the pilot of their decision to return to base, detailing approximations of their trip, listing off the five soldiers who’d emerged from the helicopter and joined him for backup._

_“We’re departing now with Apsted, Rawlings, Danvier…”_

_Julia chanced a wistful look back through the dusty window of the helicopter door just then, watching_ _from her bird’s eye view as his armored truck drove away over the flat, endless stretch of sand before it, trundling along and growing smaller and more distant as David continued the personnel inventory._

_“Crowes, Bentl—”_

_His truck suddenly exploded with seemingly all the force of a ton of dynamite, an ear-splitting boom echoing over the radio as the shockwave of the blast rocked the helicopter wildly and flaming debris flew sharply into the air, cutting through plumes of thick black smoke as they rose into the clear blue sky.  
_

* * *

_Julia couldn’t hear herself howling uncontrollably._

_Couldn’t feel herself retching and gasping for air, struggling against Roger’s attempts to hold her, to calm her down, the horror and shock and overwhelming grief stealing her senses, consuming her whole._

_Hardly realized she was clawing at the door desperately, hitting the window, yelling at anyone who’d listen to go back, go back NOW and save them, save David, get on every radio and call for help, get every single soldier in Afghanistan to mobilize right now and rescue them all._

_Barely acknowledged the torrent of hot tears streaming down her face, her throat convulsing and veins distending in her neck as she shuddered and wailed and fought against the nurse trying to contain her beneath a coarse, thick blanket, one soldier sitting by her side and consoling her in quiet, firm tones, reassuring her that they left no man behind, that they were all brothers in arms and that the lieutenant and his crew would be located and assisted as soon as possible._

_None of it worked._

_And finally, when her throat closed up and she’d practically run out of tears to shed; when the helicopter landed and the private jet came into view and rough, dusty interiors were exchanged for expensive cream leather and glossy, gilded mahogany; when her assistant quietly grasped her around slumped, trembling shoulders and led her to the shower to wash and change before imploring her to rest and deserting her in the quiet confines of the dark, cool bedroom; then and only then could she give into her body's demands, surrender unwillingly to her exhaustion and trauma, close her eyes against the indelibly nauseating image of David's truck exploding suddenly in flames._

_Lying on its side, wheels still spinning. The back of the truck missing entirely, fiery shrapnel surrounding it and scattered in a crooked, smoldering radius._

_Not a body in sight._

_Julia passed out, the ghost memory of David’s warm hands cradling hers following her down into steep, horrific darkness._

* * *


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more to go! Thanks for reading. :)  
> -Candi

* * *

_26 Oct 2013 06:38  
_

_The world was shrouded in grey._

_Julia awoke to the rain cocooning her in sound, the sky emptying itself in great heaves as the deluge pounded against the windows like a lover in mourning._

_All was silent in her flat save for this constant, insistent companion._

_And just as she had every other morning since her return, Julia prepared herself very carefully._

_Ignoring the dried trail of tears on her face, the lingering dampness of her pillowcase as she rose quietly from bed and headed into the adjoining bathroom._

_She turned the faucet handle, waited for the water to heat. Placed a washcloth beneath its gurgling flow. Soaked it, rung it out, closed her eyes and placed the soft, steaming cloth over her face._

_And tried with little success to ignore the visions of David, each more horrifying than the last, assaulting her anew each and every time she closed her eyes._

_Her nightmares so liberally providing her with multiple scenarios to choose from. Endless morbid images, practically etched behind red-rimmed eyelids that stung from sustained exhaustion._

_The lieutenant._

_Alive but gasping, barely clinging to life, reaching for her as he writhed in utter agony._

_Alive. Coughing, hacking up blood, pinned beneath burning rubble. Red-stained lips trembling as he wheezed her name, his voice hardly carrying over the roar of the flames._

_Dead. Charred beyond recognition. Uniform torn asunder, his left shoulder horrendously out of joint, tattoo just barely visible as the fire devoured the rest of him whole._

_Julia felt her breath catch as the last gruesome image flashed through her mind, felt the fresh ache of new tears threatening beneath her eyelids. Her empty stomach churning, bile burning as it rose quickly._

_So she concentrated. Opened her eyes. Stared hard at her reflection as she pushed back, shoving down the sickening nausea, willing her way through the painful memories._

_Breathed through the heartache that had been pressing at her long before that fateful day in Helmand._

_Focused on her objectives for the upcoming day, in addition to this endless search for answers that had proven to be frustratingly elusive thus far._

_She still had a constituency to run. Four interviews; one televised with Andrew Marr, wherein she was to give her version of the violent incident in Helmand as stoically as possible in an attempt to control the swirling narratives fighting for supremacy throughout the media over the last three days. Meetings with staff, both about the ongoing fallout from the incident itself and her actual findings from the trip. And to end it all on a wonderful note, the start of formal divorce proceedings with Roger to conclude the day._

_By the time her driver pulled up less than 45 minutes later, a perfectly composed Julia Montague marched out into the rainy morning. Crisp, elegant, wearing pearls and silk. Not one glossy chestnut curl out of place. Voice strong and clear. Eyes dry, gaze as direct and intimidating as ever._

_Invincible._

* * *

_15:30_

_“I’d like to welcome to the show Ms. Julia Montague, MP of West Thames and a former top criminal barrister who’s enjoyed quite the meteoric rise in popularity amid several political media circles. She is here to speak for the very first time publicly about her up-close-and-personal, terrifying experience of the much-discussed attack in Helmand Province three days ago, as well as her overall assessment of the war in Afghanistan and whether her time there has changed her conservative views. Ms. Montague, welcome.”_

_“Thank you for having me on, Andrew.”_

_Marr nodded gamely before continuing._

_“Right. We’d like to begin by of course expressing our condolences to all those who were affected personally by the attack, particularly the servicemen and women along with their families. There have been four confirmed dead, though their names have not been released to the public. From the reports that have surfaced, it truly seems a miracle you were able to escape harm, Ms. Montague. How have you been faring in the wake of the attack?”_

_Julia straightened her shoulders and looked him squarely in the eye. Voice strong and steady, her demeanor radiating a stern fearlessness that carried soundly over the airwaves._

_“I am well. Entirely unharmed, and I attribute that solely to the brave soldiers who risked their lives to ensure our safety. My thoughts and condolences are also with them and their families today.”_

_Never one to shy away from controversy, Marr dug in as expected, dispensing with the niceties quickly as he endeavored to get to the heart of the story._

_“There are many detractors of your well-publicized views on the war in Afghanistan who have, wrongly or not, proclaimed that you yourself have a hand in sustaining the conflicts overseas that lead to the attacks such as the one you were directly involved in. How do you respond to such criticism?”_

* * *

_David. That first night together, in his trailer._

_His damning gaze, those harsh words he used against her._

_We’re dying._

_Because of people like **you**._

* * *

_Julia shook herself mentally, ignoring the razor-sharp pangs of guilt and intense grief twisting her gut as she took a deep, measured breath._

_“I respond by letting those detractors have their say. At the end of the day, Andrew, I vote for what is in the best interests of my constituency and the country as a whole.”_

_“And has that changed since your visit to Afghanistan? Are you still in favor of the war?”_

* * *

_The acrid smell of smoke in the helicopter cabin. The metallic tang of blood on her lips. Her face, hot and soaked with never-ending tears. Gunshots, echoing out endlessly, ricocheting off metal. Piercing bodies._

_The truck. His truck. Blowing up right before her eyes._

_David. Blue eyes open, glassy and cold._

_Lifeless._

_Fixed on her. Blaming her._

_Hating her._

* * *

_She felt herself trembling suddenly, her mouth gone dry._

_“I…”_

_“Ms. Montague, has your view of the war changed since your experiences overseas?”_

* * *

_His body._

_His beautiful, strong, capable body._

_The one she’d grown to know intimately. To love. To derive unbelievable pleasures from._

_Consumed in flame from head to toe._

_Yeah. You’ll get us home.  
_

_In bodybags._

* * *

_The studio lights felt much too warm._

_Fresh sweat broke out between her shoulder blades, trickling uncomfortably beneath her linen suit._

_Julia clasped her hands together, desperately attempting to regain her controlled demeanor. Clearing her throat twice before she continued. A full moment of silence passing before she trusted herself to speak._

_“Andrew, our reports and recommendations regarding the ongoing war in Afghanistan are due out next week. In the wake of the attacks and those who are currently grieving the loss of loved ones, I think it behooves us all to be sensitive to those families, and to suspend that particular line of inquiry until we present our findings formally in-session.”_

_Marr pursed his lips, clearly annoyed by her evasive reply yet willing to play the sympathetic reporter card and relinquish his line of questioning. “Very well then. Thank you for joining us for this segment, Ms. Montague. Once again, we are glad you were unharmed, and we look forward to welcoming you back on the show after the Parliamentary sessions take place.”_

_Julia leaned forward, grasping his hand in a solid handshake, her composure firmly back in place as she exhaled quietly._

_Cool, calm, collected. Like nothing ever happened._

_“Thank you for having me.”_

* * *

_16:15_

_“Ma’am.”_

_The driver, handing her a chilled bottle of water as Julia settled into the confines of the black SUV. She accepted it gratefully with a sigh, ignoring the way her hand still trembled as she twisted off the small plastic cap._

_“Julia.”_

_Andrea, her closest friend and the attorney who’d done a divine job putting the divorce proceedings into play a few days ago, sat to her left. Eyeing her with no small amount of exasperation, a frank note of impatience coloring her voice. Julia took a swig and avoided acknowledging the perusal, clenching her jaw as she pulled out her phone to check for missed messages._

_“Yes?”_

_“Are you up to this?”_

_“Of course.”_

_She saw Andrea grimace out of the corner of her eye, shaking her head as she regarded Julia closely._

_“That interview suggested otherwise.”_

_“There was nothing to gain from answering that final question right away,” Julia defended hastily, already seeing the flak she was getting online: from conservatives angered at her deflection, and from more liberal outlets panning her refusal to outright denounce the war in light of her involvement in the attack. She scrolled past everything, searching for a voicemail, a specific message, anything at all from a certain sender, and coming up frustratingly short._

_“It would’ve been irresponsible of me to—”_

_“I’m not talking about the war. I’m talking about you,” her friend cut in, putting a firm hand on her arm to get her attention. Julia stopped, looking up into a bespectacled, serious brown gaze that was clearly attempting to suss out her true emotional state. “Are you okay?”_

_She found herself holding her breath. Hating the scrutiny, because she knew her friend could see straight through every single layer of veneer, even if the cameras and public never did. Julia flashed Andrea a convincing facsimile of her usual confident smile, hoping it would suffice enough to be left in peace before turning back to her phone and continuing her furtive search. “I’m fine, Andrea.”_

_“Right. You’re so great at projecting that. I know,” she returned shortly, clearly reaching the limits of her patience. “You walked off that plane three days ago, looking ghastly, hardly speaking to anyone. I offer to stay with you; you refuse. I don’t hear from you for two straight days as I prepare this hearing with Roger, who might I add, is being much more of a tosser than usual, having been served with divorce papers without his previous knowledge and who’s been raising hell with every single member of my office staff. You didn’t tell me WHY you hadn’t discussed this with him in advance, nor have you explained to me why you made that decision while still in Afghanistan, of all places. The timing is ALL sorts of suspect, Julia. People are talking.”_

_“They’re always talking.”_

_“And then, to top it all off, you’re lying to me. Like I don’t see your hands shaking. Like I don’t see you jump every time someone drops so much as a pen in your vicinity. Marr mentions soldiers being hurt in the attack, and you grow 5 shades paler and start trembling.”_

_“I’m fine,” Julia bit out irritably, done with the dressing-down taking place, mortified that her show of composure evidently wasn’t as air-tight as she’d hoped. “What do you want, Andrea? Me, collapsing in your arms, sobbing? Some dramatic re-telling of events? There’s too much to be done. I’m not going to sit around wallowing in misery, even if that’s what you seem to expect.”_

_“I expect some honesty,” her friend returned, making an obvious effort to keep her voice neutral. “I expect you to know that you can talk to me and tell me what’s really going on. I know the attack shook you up. But there’s more to this that you’re not sharing.”_

_Julia felt her agitation beginning to reach dangerous levels, the already tight feeling in her chest becoming more uncomfortable by the second. “Really. Please stop. I know you care. But I need you to s—”_

_“Hold on!”_

_Their driver yelled out a warning as the SUV they were in suddenly swerved sharply, then stopped short, causing their bodies to lurch forward with alarming speed. Andrea braced herself, grabbing the seat rest in front of her just in time to avoid smashing her face against it._

_“Bloody hell, Derek, what was that about!?” she exclaimed crossly, catching her breath as their driver offered plentiful apologies and slowly pulled the truck back out into the lane of traffic. Evidently nothing too serious had occurred, just a teen on their phone who’d wandered into the crosswalk when the light was still green. Andrea’s relief was short-lived, however, a quick glance to her right giving her even more cause for alarm than ever._

_Julia was hunched over with her head bowed. Her knuckles turning white as her hands grasped the seat in front of her. Breathing rapid and shallow, becoming more audible as long, tense seconds ticked by._

_“Julia?”_

_She couldn’t answer._

_Couldn’t slow her breath, nor let go. Too frightened to open her eyes. The tightness in her chest reaching unbearable levels._

_“Julia!”_

_The panic attack descended upon Julia fully, without warning, right there in the backseat. Leaving her choking and gasping for air, her entire body shaking violently as she kept her eyes clenched shut, errant tears squeezing out of their corners while she pitched her body forward in a desperate, futile attempt to calm down. Her head exploded with pain, that cold sweat breaking out to encompass the rest of her form as she wheezed uncontrollably, feeling precariously close to blacking out._

_Dimly she felt Andrea encroach upon her, wrapping steadying arms around her body as she directed the car elsewhere, whispering comforting words into Julia’s ears as she tried to talk her down, to calm her down amid the violent chaos of her thoughts, the terrified rebellion of her body._

_The only calm she could find was down, down below the pain and the tremors and the memories. Below the veneer, the brave front, the title and the power and the perfect suit and the impeccable stature and the battles to be won._

_Where she could let go._

_The world going grey once more as Julia, at long last, retreated from it all._

* * *

_19:55_

_She awoke hours later, in bed._

_In her own flat._

_Andrea, dozing in a nearby chaise. Snoring softly, her glasses on Julia’s nightstand and designer heels placed neatly beneath the lounger._

_The sun had evidently set not long before, her bedroom bathed in the dusky blues of twilight as it descended on London that evening. Julia stretched a little beneath the thin sheet, grateful for the momentary calm and quiet as she took silent stock of her own person._

_Headache, all but gone. Breathing normal, the tightness in her chest rendered nonexistent. She winced as she mentally recalled the severity of the attack in the car, hardly remembering how they’d gotten back to her place as the frightening effects of her panic had rendered all else irrelevant. Julia had never before suffered from any sort of anxiety, had prided herself on being as tough and unaffected as they came. She simply chose not to let things get to her, had always considered herself strong and proud and able to withstand pretty much anything that came her way with a measure of tenacious will and fearlessness that hardly anyone else could match._

_But apparently Helmand had changed that, too._

_Julia turned on her side for a moment. Sighed. Closed her eyes._

_“The ruse is up. I know you’re awake.”_

_Andrea’s voice, slightly hoarse from her nap as she stirred to the left. Julia opened her eyes again to the sight of her dear friend, sitting up, her chic blonde bob in comical disarray as she rubbed her eyes blearily before retrieving her glasses from the table. She perched them on her nose before peering over at Julia, that dark, perceptive gaze meeting hers head-on, palpable concern and no-nonsense resolve radiating from her unyielding scrutiny._

_“We’ve got to talk.”_

_Another sigh._

_Julia hated that phrase with every fiber of her being._

_Even moreso now, with her life now trapped in this surreal chasm of trauma and loss. Of acute guilt and searing pain. Of a lover’s grief like an open gash across her heart, gushing mercilessly, nothing remotely staunching the flow. Feeling a devastation so profound she could hardly process it at all, let alone speak on it in any meaningful way._

_So she didn’t. Letting the sigh speak for itself. Tightening her mouth into a firm, obstinate line as she swung her legs over the side of the bed, deliberately not meeting Andrea’s eyes for the moment as she rose and turned away, searching for her phone, desperate to resume her vigil for any updates._

_“Who’s David?”_

_Time suddenly froze._

_Julia did, too._

_Andrea’s matter-of-fact question hovered in the still air between the two for an impossibly long, quiet moment. Julia turned to see her friend holding up her phone, both perfectly-arched eyebrows raised in maddening query._

_“He was the commanding officer of our escort team in Afghanistan,” she answered succinctly, crossing the room to retrieve her device. Andrea was having none of it, shaking her head and practically holding it hostage as Julia gritted her teeth in exasperation._

_“Andrea, please stop. I’m anticipating a call, potentially a message, that’s very important.”_

_“About David Budd? The commanding officer of your escort team?”_

_Julia was two seconds away from literally kicking her friend out of the flat. She held out her hand impatiently. “Give me the bloody phone, Andrea. Right now.”_

_“You muttered his name in your sleep, Julia. Twice. Then you get a call about his whereabouts from Uncle Jim, of all people. Who thought I was in the know when it came to one David Budd. And who assumed I might know how important he was to you.”_

_Shit. Shit, Shit, Shit…_

_“Why is the Home Secretary of the UK calling you about some random military officer in Afghanistan?”_

_“I don’t need a cross-examination right now. I need my goddamn phone,” Julia demanded, not relenting in the least, unaccountably pissed at her dear mentor for sharing news of her request with Andrea. It hardly mattered that the three of them were thick as thieves; that the elder man was in fact Andrea’s cherished uncle and had been Julia’s mentor all through law school and beyond. In fact, he was the initial catalyst behind their friendship, not to mention a true gentleman who’d come through for Julia in so many ways and was grooming her to rise through the political ranks of the UK._

_So naturally, he’d been her first phone call upon returning to London. As the Home Secretary, Julia knew he had unprecedented access to military records and documents, to confidential missives and reports that nobody else in government could possibly access. He’d balked at first, questioning her in much the same fashion as Andrea was about why she needed private information of that sort, especially as the lieutenant was of a special group of soldiers whose classification and higher level of clearance made his files much harder to access. Eventually he’d given in, resolving not to make her any promises as to what he could specifically share with her, but willing to at least try and answer the questions she had surrounding David’s fate._

_Andrea eyed her for another long, tense minute, frowning as she reluctantly handed over the phone. Julia took it quickly, scrolling through for the familiar private number and commencing the call as she walked into the kitchen for some privacy._

_Two rings later, a beloved, deep-pitched Oxford accent resonated over the line._

_“My love, I hope you recognize just how classified the nature of your request is,” the elder man reprimanded gently by way of greeting. “And how much trouble I went through to secure this information for you. It’s much too sensitive to share via phone, so I was hoping both yourself and Andrea could make your way over to Chelsea tonight to see me.”_

_“Of course,” Julia agreed, silently lamenting Andrea’s involvement but having no real recourse but to proceed. “We’ll be there within the hour.”_

_“Where?”_

_Andrea’s disembodied voice rang out from the other room as Julia hung up, feeling tense as she crossed the kitchen to the wine fridge and opened it up._

_“Chelsea. To visit Jim.” She said nothing more, keeping her eyes on her task as she pulled down two goblets from a nearby cabinet and searched in vain for a corkscrew._

_“On the counter. I left it out because I know you all too well,” Andrea confessed as she wandered in, pointing to a small counter adjacent to the sink. The cabernet was uncorked in relative silence, both women seemingly lost in thought as the wine was poured and glasses distributed._

_“So.” Her friend’s voice, breaking the hushed atmosphere. Tentative, much less pushy than before._

_Julia sipped as she stared at her phone, ordering a ride as she pretended not to heed the invitation to speak._

_“I know how private you are, Julia. How incredibly tough you are. Believe me, that has never been in doubt. But you scared me today. I’ve never seen you like that before.”_

_The real note of worry in Andrea’s voice made her soften just a little. “I get that,” she responded quietly. “I just don’t want to talk about it.”_

_“About him?”_

_Pain lanced through her heart at the mere thought of him. Julia bit her lip, suddenly wanting to cry. “Yes.”_

_“Julia…”_

_“I can’t…I don’t want to…” She turned away, overcome again as tears blurred her vision instantly. Frustrated and angry and sick of it all: tired of feeling so damned fragile, afraid of the news to come, afraid of revealing the depths of her feeling for a man she hadn’t even known existed less than a month before, afraid of the judgment her actions might elicit._

_Andrea came up beside her, embracing her again, her sympathy palpable as she led them both to the low divan facing the floor-to-ceiling windows in the living room. Julia leaned into the comfort for once without reserve, taking in the beautiful city view, truly grateful to be in the arms of a friend._

_And it was in this spirit of comfort, of lassitude, of silence and trust, that she finally began to share._

* * *

_About the first time she saw David. That impressive scowl, those eyes that practically scalded her with their unyielding scorn. The tension between them, their little challenging face-offs, the dangerous volatility of their first interview together._

_The uncontrollable heat of their desire._

_The ways in which he’d so neatly gotten under her skin. The surreal intensity of their attraction to each other. How one moment they’d been at each other’s throats, unwilling to yield or compromise, and the next they couldn’t seem to get enough of each other’s bodies, so fervent was their sexual chemistry. Julia blushed a bit as she recounted this, Andrea letting out a low whistle but saying nothing more as she allowed her to continue._

_That pivotal night._

_The shift felt between them on a deeper level. What had been simply an indiscretion with an undeniably handsome man turning into so much more. His protectiveness, his gentler nature around her, the ways in which he let her take the lead. Their circumstances and her attempt to hold back only manifesting a deeper bond between them._

_Roger, and the barest outline of the mess he’d created with his jealousy and his disgusting ego. Their parting, the intense pain of staying away only matched by the incredible passion of their last night together._

_The attack. His heroics. And the explosion that followed._

_By the time Julia finished, both wine glasses were dry. Their faces were anything but._

_“You have to find out what happened to him, Julia,” Andrea murmured, wiping her eyes with her sleeve, the conviction in her voice surprisingly strong as she shifted in their loose embrace. “I have absolutely shit luck with men. You know this. But I know that it’d be the biggest mistake of your life not to find a way to be together—”_

_“ **If** he’s alive,” she interjected quietly. “There’s four soldiers dead. No names released yet. I don’t have the clearance to find out. And if you’d seen that truck…”_

_The grisly sight persisted in Julia’s thoughts as she stepped away from it with some difficulty. Andrea, too, seemed stunned into silence, no doubt taking in all she now knew and processing it slowly. She excused herself for a call moments later, leaving Julia to compose herself yet again that day as she sat up and stared out at the twinkling lights, the river in the distance._

_Breathing a little easier._

_Feeling a bit better, having unburdened herself to a friend. No matter what happened, it helped to know she wasn’t alone in this anymore._

* * *

_21:39_

_“I’ll get right down to it, if you don’t mind. My itinerary tomorrow seems to have been created by Dante himself, a comedy of hellish proportions,” Jim lamented heavily, his rich voice filling the big, cozy study. He collected two separate files from his massive desk before meandering over to the sitting area by the fire and taking a seat on the leather settee across from where Julia and Andrea waited anxiously._

_“Confidential,” he reminded Julia, eyes serious as he opened the file. She nodded, heart beating erratically as she waited for him to render the verdict._

_“Lieutenant Budd is alive. From the looks of it, he really shouldn’t be,” the elder politician declared, pulling out a heavily marked photo of the destroyed armor truck. Both women gasped at the sight, Julia still reeling from the news of his survival as she felt herself begin to tremble all over. There was no way he walked away from that wreckage unharmed, as Jim confirmed within seconds of his initial statement._

_“He’s in critical condition. Conscious, but barely. Broken arm, three fractured ribs. Dislocated right ankle. Third-degree burns over much of his back, first-degree burns on pretty much every other surface exposed to the blast. Blood loss from lacerations inflicted by shrapnel, some of which had to be surgically removed, it was imbedded so deeply into his flesh. His prognosis is fair. Re-evaluation occurring by the day. If his condition remains stable, he’ll be transferred out of Afghanistan within the next few weeks pending medical discharge.”_

_The thought of David suffering alone, languishing in agony, that strong, powerful body she’d admired and worshipped in so many ways broken and bleeding and barely hanging on…_

_“Thank you, Jim,” she managed in a whisper, feeling sick again, needing some fresh air. “Could you…excuse me?”_

_She left without glancing back, hearing them mutter in her wake._

_Returned to find Jim sitting behind his desk, his niece curled up in a chair opposite. Both broke off their talk as Julia approached, looking at each of their faces in turn. Neither of them looked guilty…in fact, quite the contrary._

_And as Julia sat down, her mentor slid a freshly-printed charter in front of her._

_“I’m headed out to Helmand at the end of the week. Private trip, just myself and a few cabinet ministers taking stock of the fallout on our own. Andrea seems to believe it would help you to accompany me,” Jim told her gently, pointing to where her name was listed on the manifest. “To see the lieutenant, perhaps offer some comfort during his recovery process.”_

_Julia could’ve squeezed her friend to pieces, the flood of gratitude rendering her utterly speechless. She looked over at Andrea, tearing up again as Andrea grasped her hand and held on tight, removing her glasses with the other and wiping her own tears away._

_“Dammit, Julia,” she gasped, laughing a little. “I’ve cried more today than I have in ten years. Doesn’t bode well for my tough attorney image. This has to stop. And you have to go. He needs you.”_

* * *

_30 Oct 2013_

_And so she went._

_Fretting the entire way._

_Mostly quiet on the flight over. Exchanging pleasantries, and nothing more._

_Resolving that no matter what she encountered, she would be strong for him, just as he’d been for her the day he’d saved her life._

_And when she finally entered the chaotic confines of the infirmary, the sounds of sorrow and pain and impending death rattling off white concrete walls, the nurses and few doctors spared bustling about in ceaseless concern, Julia carried that strength with her._

_She spotted O’Malley’s riotous red hair almost instantly, gravitating to the sight of him over the din of patients and staff. Feeling slightly nervous as she approached, knowing full well who he was keeping vigil over._

_“You came,” he smiled, practically crushing her in his embrace, lines of sadness and stress creasing his normally jovial features. He gestured down to the lone figure in the bed, swaddled in bandages and lying on his side, motionless. “He’s asleep.”_

_“That’s okay. I’ll keep watch,” she whispered, kissing him on each cheek. O’Malley nodded before departing, content to allow her some time alone with him._

_And she did just that._

_Watched over David, carding her fingers gently through his dark curls. Shushing his quiet whimpers of pain. Sponging the sweat from his brow, murmuring words of comfort in his distress until his breathing evened out. Holding his hand as he gasped, crying out as the nurses checked his burns, reapplied ointment, readjusted his limbs. He was too far gone to know who was with him, too sedated and tormented to acknowledge her presence in the least._

_But Julia hardly cared._

_Never wavering, never letting go._

_Being there for him in every single sense._

_And letting all else fall away._


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue!
> 
> I cannot thank every single one of you enough for supporting this story. It's been a journey and an absolute pleasure writing it and receiving your amazing responses, week after week. The sheer appreciation for each and every word you've sent is beyond my capabilities to express, but please know it meant the world to me to receive so much warmth, enthusiasm, and positive encouragement.
> 
> Please enjoy this final chapter of Helmand! Much more to come in the fall--stay tuned. :)  
> -Candi

* * *

_Epilogue_

_30 Oct 2014 02:45_

_She sensed it a full two minutes before he awoke._

_Felt him begin to twitch. His legs, restless beneath the sheets. The arm he had around her waist beginning to spasm, tightening around her uncomfortably._

_Dangerously._

_Julia pried herself away, slid out of bed as quickly as she dared. Silently reached over and switched on the light on the nightstand, frowning as she took in the tortured figure tangled up in bedding, shuddering violently. His eyelids clamped shut, eyes moving erratically beneath, lips tremulously moving around words she couldn’t make out, the sounds of distress emitted from his throat becoming more agonized as he began to thrash._

_“David…”_

_She whispered it, afraid to touch him. Knowing from grim experience that doing so could put her in serious peril._

_Julia clenched the hem of her nightie in helpless distress as she watched David languish in the throes of nightmare, sweat covering his exposed skin, fingers gripping the sheets so tightly that she could hear the fabric starting to tear._

_“David?”_

_She let her voice carry a little further, keeping it soft. Her efforts having no discernible effect._

_He was lost in it. Utterly **gone**. _

_Firmly entrenched in his pain, his demons coming for him every night and leaving almost nothing of the man she knew. Soft whimpers turning into audible cries that soon became guttural screams, his body convulsing as tears leaked from beneath his lashes. Julia couldn’t stand it, couldn’t take watching him writhe and howl and suffer for another second, but she wasn’t willing to turn away. She risked coming closer, took the deepest breath she could and letting her own yell overcome his, piercing the air with its intensity._

_“DAVID!”_

_David jerked suddenly and sat straight up, eyes wide open and unseeing, the naked terror in them causing Julia’s heart to constrict painfully as his entire body shook with the struggle to breathe. He turned alarmingly pale then, shoving the covers aside and bolting suddenly, barely making it through the threshold of the bathroom before skidding to his knees and hurling violently into the commode._

* * *

_She stood there for a solid minute, not knowing what to do._

_Listening to the sounds of his vomiting, the awful retching noises echoing off the tiled walls. The harshness of his sobs in between._

_An already broken man._

_In the dark._

_Shattering just a little bit more._

* * *

_There were times he’d allow her to comfort him._

_Times where, after the worst of it had subsided and his breathing evened out, he’d allow her in._

_Accept her open arms, her gently muttered reassurances. She’d cast a blanket over his shoulders, guide him back into bed. Kiss his forehead before heading off to make a cuppa, come back and simply lay with him as they sipped tea in carefully sustained silence. Julia would pull out a report to read, quietly working with his head in her lap, smoothing his hair with a tender palm until he began to nod off once more._

_And then there were times where David couldn’t bear anything tender or sensitive or calm; couldn’t bear the sight of her concerned expression nor accept her embrace in the wake of his own private hell manifesting itself so vividly in his sleep. Tormenting him, torturing him, haunting him in those hours where he couldn’t shove it away, those vulnerable hours where the aim for rest became a perfect landscape for all his pain and fear to let loose in the most brutal ways imaginable._

_Those were the nights when the bathroom door was slammed in Julia’s face._

_When David wouldn’t emerge for hours on end, the faint sound of his stifled crying evident through the thin panel of wood. His misery permeating the entire flat as Julia struggled to hold back tears of her own, keeping a light on for him just in case as she climbed slowly back in bed and hunkered down beneath the covers, falling into a tense, uneasy slumber._

_She’d awaken, and he’d be gone._

_An apologetic note on her nightstand, a fresh pot of coffee brewing in the kitchen with her favorite cup and saucer arranged beside it. They’d catch up later as if nothing ever happened, continuing on with their plans to meet, the elephant in the room looming ever larger as he refused to talk about it and she remained too fearful to push him._

* * *

_The last time he’d shut her out, she dared to slip a small piece of paper beneath the door._

_A number to a psychotherapist she’d vetted well; a woman with a military background who specialized in treating post-traumatic stress. She was a double amputee, a survivor of an air raid gone horribly wrong, who’d had her own years of stubborn denial and unspoken pain before seeking help and eventually following the call to attend university and become a credentialed counselor._

_Julia had described David’s symptoms over the past year in hesitant terms; how he’d been so intensely focused on the physical rehab for his various injuries yet turning down every available offer to speak to anyone about his ordeal. How his impending divorce and the custody battle over his children was taking an additional toll on his already tenuous mental health. The nightmares, the crying jags, the attempts to push her away only countered by Julia’s stubborn determination to stay, to support him and help guide his recovery process._

_He’d lost weight, ribs slowly becoming more visible, the burn scars and shrapnel wounds on his back more pronounced amid the sallow pallor of his skin. Coming around to her at night after stopping by his place, the stench of alcohol lingering on his breath, skin blotchy and eyes hard with defiance. Daring her to denounce his behavior, to denounce his futile, harmful attempts to blur it all away.  
_

_The small piece of paper had disappeared. But David never said a word about it._

* * *

_She heard the toilet flush._

_A pause, then running water._

_The squeak of the faucet handle as the water subsided._

_A heavy, loaded exhale._

_Julia took tentative steps. Made her way around the foot of the bed, past the tumbled knot of covers and sheets lying halfway onto the floor. Walked three more paces to the shadowed entrance of the bathroom, just barely able to make out the silhouette of David’s back in the meager light spilling in from the nightstand._

_She flicked the switch, dousing the room in light._

_He stood stock-still at the vanity, almost statue-like were it not for the visible tremors traveling the length of his stooped frame. Head bowed, eyes closed. Dark hair askew, as if he’d plowed rough fingers through it in his anguish. Body hunched over, his right hand clenching and unclenching in rhythmic agitation against the marble surface of the sink. Undershirt soaked in sweat, the stale scent of it mixing with the fetid odor of his sickness. The dried trails of copious tears evident upon sunken cheeks rough with stubble._

_-He can’t go on like this.-_

_Julia said nothing. Cast her eyes downward after taking in the pitiable sight. Walked past David to the shower and opened the glass door, reached in and turned the knob. The hiss and spatter of the water reverberated in the small room, heat and steam rising to the ceiling as Julia slipped off her nightie in one smooth motion._

_David still hadn’t moved an inch._

_And so she went to him._

_Pressed her front to the quivering, broad surface of his back. Brought her hands to the bottom of his undershirt and began to lift. He obeyed numbly, raising his arms as she pulled it up and off. Julia heard his breath hitch as she ran delicate fingers over each visible scar, his head turning to the side and remaining bowed as a lone tear trickled down the side of his face._

_She circled to his front, helped him out of his bottoms even as he still refused to meet her gaze._

_Opened the glass door and led him gingerly beneath the warm, rushing flow of water._

_And she’d barely closed it again before Julia felt him grasp her, turning in the circle of his arms as he held her so tightly she could hardly breathe._

_Sobbing desperately into her hair as she held him up, supporting him wholly as she let him go to pieces in her embrace._

_He knelt in the deluge, wracked and bent in his sorrow, overcome with a grief that had no words._

_And Julia followed._

_Holding him._

_Holding on._

* * *

_-I’m not the man you knew.-_

_David, looking up at her after a long, miserable period had elapsed. After the water cascading over them had long since begun to cool. His eyes dark and teary, full of pain. Shaking his head as he whispered his truth, his fear so evident as he bared himself to her for judgment, for chastisement._

_For dismissal._

_And Julia, gazing back at him without fear._

_Wiping the tears away. Tightening her arms around him. And baring her truth in return._

_-You’re still the man I love.-_

* * *

_A note._

_Left on her nightstand, hours later._

_The flat, redolent of freshly-made coffee in the early blush of dawn._

_David’s slanted scrawl, distinctive upon her elegant stationery._

_\--------_

_I love you, Julia._

_And I want the man you love to deserve you._

_I’m calling her today._

_D._

* * *

_14 Oct 2015_

_Their ceremony had been small but lovely._

_A delightful, low-key event on a pleasant autumn afternoon in London, exactly two years to the date of their inauspicious meeting on that distant, dusty tarmac in Helmand._

_Andrea, serving as maid of honor. Jim, doing double duties as the officiator of their wedding and its host, the sprawling garden behind his mansion serving as a beautiful backdrop for their day._

_Julia, in an ivory silken shift that trailed elegantly behind her, fluttering blissfully in the light, cool breeze. Hair piled high, her lush dark curls adorned with white roses and sprigs of lavender._

_David, gorgeous in a navy suit tailored exquisitely to his frame that set off the blue of his eyes in marvelous fashion. Crisp white shirt unbuttoned, his lapel sporting roses and lavender in tandem as he’d awaited her beneath the gilded arch, gaze lit from within with mirth and affection, his lips stretched in a contented smile._

_Ella and Charlie performing their duties as ring-bearers admirably, all pigtails and cherubic cheeks as they held the satin pillow between them and made their way down the tiny aisle to sighs and coos of adulation. David knelt and hugged them both, whispering how proud he was of them before straightening up and taking her hands in his, his gaze loaded with so much emotion that it nearly stole Julia’s breath away._

_She’d looked down, if only to delay her tears for a moment more. Feeling the press of it all, of the last two years, of every ounce of passion and fierce love and aching sorrow and wrenching grief that had defined their relationship._

_Of the months and months of healing that David had taken on, the late nights of halting admissions, of learning that it was safe to express himself, trusting Julia with his deepest, darkest emotions amid the supportive knowledge that she wasn’t going anywhere._

_Of the growth he’d shown, the newfound potential he was unearthing as a freshly-minted police officer. His skills and his experience being challenged, expanded upon, put to wonderful use in his newly-held position. He was excited again, finally developing the vision to see past the horizon of his former life, willing to embrace what was to come._

_Of Julia, being there for him and for herself. Winning her bid to become Home Secretary just weeks earlier. Accepting Jim’s blessing as he retired from the political sphere, assembling her new team from the ground up as she finalized her new platforms and prepared to move up in the ranks. She was beyond pleased, beyond ready to start, her ambitions even more potent than ever as the hard work she’d put in began to pay off tenfold._

_And for them to have each other throughout it all, through the darkness and light, was a euphoric level of sublime that Julia fully basked in that day._

_Kissing David with profound abandon as the declaration of their marriage rang out amid the cheers of those closest and dearest to her heart._

_Giddy and grinning with bliss as she felt him return the favor, smiling against her mouth the entire time._

* * *

_Alone at last._

_The embers of their passion had not cooled in the least since their desert encounters, neither the lingering grist of his trauma nor the elevated duties of her prime stature denting their desire for each other by even the most minute degree._

_He still came to her that night, eyes on fire._

_She beckoned him, lips parted, watching him smolder. Nude body undulating in sensual invitation._

_His mouth finding every single inch of exposed, hot skin. His hands no longer trembling as they sought out her flesh, no longer tentative as they blazed paths of pleasure over the silken heat of her curves._

_She matched his boldness eagerly, running a sensuous hand down his flank, palming the firm roundness of his ass. Secretly pleased at the feel of him, noticeably filling out again, healthy and strong beneath her brazen caress._

_And when they couple, when she presses her soft thighs against his waist and he buries himself deep; when their foreheads touch and their panting grows frantic and the bed frame creaks beneath the strain of their love, she feels their wholeness, their rightness together, brought to bear. _

_Made manifest. Become absolute._

_Grow stronger, more powerful._

_More **true.**_

_\--------_

_He’s in her arms; her heart feels full._

_She couldn’t ask for more._

* * *

_-End-_


End file.
